2006-01-07
coveted emptiness
The drops of water were perched bulbously on the car window, as you know they sometimes do, just sticking there. It wasn't raining, though; that was a distant memory. Those drops remind me of car trips long ago when I could watch the rain slide on the glass of the window, careening and slithering down and across as the trees and houses beyond the glass pass by.
We sat there in silence, the car stationary. The silence is so intimate. The absence of all sound kind of astounded me, and I realized how rarely I have that in life. Maybe when I'm waiting to lose consciousness at night, or during an awkward moment with someone- but these instances are always swirling with selfish thoughts anyway. When will I fall asleep? I need to get up earlier tomorrow.... ...Should I say something, or will they...? But this silence with him was palpable. It was as if the absence of sound made everything empty, and only we remained. I don't usually like having people as close as how it felt when this quietude bound us. Proximity can really stifle me. I didn't feel that much last night though, maybe I was too tired or too fine to really notice. It honestly felt a bit sacred at the time. Our friendship is so true. His eyes were a bit shiny in the little light, gleaming with grandeur. I really like how profound we get together, it's special beyond the word.
Even when I sit here quietly between typing my thoughts, the computer is droning and I can hear footsteps upstairs. Last night's silence was mute, like how the snow absorbs itself into silence. Gosh, it was so quiet. And when the noise started again (me talking, of course, something like "I should write a book about this"), it all sounded a little different.
Coveted emptiness. That's what our silence was. Ah, it's kind of an oxymoron, that'll nicely complement the previous entry I think.
The Psychology Fair was okay. You would think that if they were going to do a deceptive color/flavor experiment with jello that they would at least choose yummy flavors!
Life is in a moderately "blah" phase. I talked to Amy. I guess she's still living at home, and that she is in love. She sounded okay. We talked a little about when we were eight. Amy and I used to have matching jackets, and we would giggle at inappropriate moments. I have lots of good memories with her.
I still have toenail polish on all the way back from summer. It's just a few chips on each of my big toes. In July, I had painted my toenails light blue and then added tufts of white so I could have clouds on my feet. The remaining blue is a nice little reminder of those summer months. It was a great summer, from kayaking to waterskiing and working. It's easy and fun to look back.
...It's a lot harder to look forward. I'm not sure what exactly comes next. Semester tests, commonapplication (blah!), scholarships, speech state, MORP (I need to think of an awesome costume! An octopus, perhaps?)...! Beyond that, pshaw, anything could happen.
In fact, I think we are due for a few more "pshaws" in this tiny planet of the universe that is the internet. Pshaw to that! It's due Monday? Pshaw! They need to be completely.. completed.. by Friday? Pshaw! You need to get HOW good of a score on the final? pshawwwww...
yup, pshaw's can only get me so far. But I'll back 'em up. And as you can guess for right now, there's more work to be done. So I'll see you when the next orbit comes 'round.
leesah-likes at 7:57 p.m.