#09

2005-06-12

elaborated

irony can be so beautiful in a very nonromantic sense.
i don't feel like typing much right now, in fact i feel a little bit depressed. but this shall be a mind-arouser for later
ok, beautiful irony. let's go.
sean and i giggled the whole way back on the kayak. he sat behind me, so i couldn't see his smiling face, but i could hear and feel the shake of his hysterical laughter. we were trying so hard not to tip it. it was a very precarious balancing act. down shone the sun. petie would encircle us number-ous times, we were going so slow. he is a tough load to carry! my shoulder muscles burned a little as i paddled forward and it reminded me that i am alive and have strength. we would talk about arbitrary things, i told him about my speech and asked him about running as i peeled our banana of a kayak across the river and toward the shore. we had a destination. the kayak would tip every once in a while, causing me to shout as water flooded into my seat and i horribly yelped. sean and petie would laugh. ab spasms. we will not get wet! we will make it out dry! this was our cause
we reached the shore. destination arrived. then the two presented the devious idea.
...and in we ran! me in her short borrowed shorts and see-through cami: headed straight for the water. hands in air, totally unaware of bared everythingness.
voluntarily (hell, willingly) bounding right into what we had spent the last hour trying to avoid.
the water was shockingly cold. it took my breath away. i refused to leap up to the warmth of the air and run for my towel. i took the moment to think about where life was in that current time, that situation, instance, everything. the now of then.
how is it that seconds can seem like minutes? hours? and the reverse? time shifted morphed manipulated as the icy water penetrated my skin. life has been a blink so far, unlike my stay beneath the flathead.
we had been trying to keep ourselves from this and now were were right in the middle of it, by choice.
lisa, choose it. leap in and go back for more. and most of all, share it with others. there was love, and there is love. make love. turn that smile upside down. seek happiness in others, but most importantly- seek it in yourself. happy summer.
what julian wrote in my yearbook is my favourite:

It's been a variable year. We've had our challenges- internally, externally, whatever. But I think ultimately we've grown as people. Not that either of us really has it figured out- I don't think we (or at least me) every will. I think perhaps we've learned of the importance of certain things above others. Remember the moment, remember the importance of our own personal journey, remember that mind is everything. I know, I guess that's sort of what I have been saying for a while now. It's hard though, because while I may know these principles, to be true, I do not really follow them. But that's just life, right? I'm so glad we're friends. Unlike most the people I know, I actually think you know me on a fairly deep level. I think, I feel, I hope, I know on a deep level. I think we've experienced each other at so many moods- horny, contemplative, normal (whatever that is), euphoric, depressed. We've really become true, good friends. We'll have a great summer- remember the importance of happiness- it's the most important thing there is.