2009-07-12
lsihgahmte
Laura came and we went camping. It was her and me and Kevin, Maritza, and other Laura. It�s hard to build a fire; I was proud of it. It took a while to get it started, so when it happened, we all really felt good about it. The stars were pretty fucking bright. Kevin joked that they were fireflies that stayed astounding still and lit. And we all sang and danced �This Little Light of Mine, I�m Gonna Let it Shine.� Fire, stars, bright, fireflies, lit, light, shine.
Okay so I have read the mail
The stories people tell
About us that we never knew
But their existence will float away
And just like every word they say
And we will hold hands as they fade
Sometimes I think it is hard to do the things that are good for us. Even when we know that they are right for us, healthy for us, and that they are the thing, given our espoused values and life outlooks and priorities, for us to do. We resist the work to get them, we choose some faded version of our desire, something that contains a semblance of it, a mere trace, and is way easier to obtain. Something you don�t have to work for. Even though sometimes it�s the effort you put into something that makes it really special and worth having. I just don�t know. Maybe I�ve always used summer as an excuse to be lazy, and maybe that�s not really what I need.
I love �Shame� by the Averett Brothers. Laura played it for me this weekend. It is beautiful. I feel a little limp. I feel a little stale. I want to be like an apple that�s so crisp and ripe that when you bite into it, a few flecks of its juice jump out. So fresh and seasoned. Could that be me? Maybe if I stopped being a slug. A slug is too easy to be right.
I can pretty much program now. I can create a sequence of actions through an �if� and �elseif� and �then� syntax, coding images to appear given certain setups. If I work for what I want Elseif I don�t Then I�ll be going home in 18 days. You see, either way, I�m leaving then.
I told Laura to keep an open heart. I don�t know if I can take my own advice. I�m feeling strangely sad in this moment. Listening to �Shame� will let me indulge that feeling, but I�ll try not to play it for too long, because I have more programming stuff to do.
The truth be known, the truth be told
My heart was always fairly cold
Posing to be as warm as yours
My way of getting in your world
leesah-likes at 7:27 p.m.