2005-12-27
"...and i feel fine."
i got another one of those junk emails. they are so interesting!
canvass susceptance astride lying pardon desegregate bookend previous pericles
adam rockaway handclasp focus detour wildcatter insomnia douglass pseudo father
dill adverse bunk risky inclement sweetheart adrenaline parisian serf caramel
arrive bravado serf alia backfill hydrogen constructible cadre boor
winter soulstice has passed. this means that the days will start to have more sunlight. that will be nice.
today it rained slush. that was interesting.
i think i am a bit rusty at this. i'm focusing on other stuff. it's really interesting. this week of my life is interesting. it could help determine my next four years. how weird. i'm trying not to be neurotic. i have this unsettling pit in my stomach though, deeper than indigestion. it is a unique fear- a blend of inadequacy, neuroses, and extraordinarily resilient hope. oh, i hope.
i'm doing well, considering. it's so odd to think that it's almost 2006. looking back on this year, the primier concept that comes to mind is "growth." moreso than any year proceeding it. i have grown so much. that may be what i remember 2005 for.
things have been happening otherwise.
the world ended last night. a part of it died, i am sure. it was a collective death that all of existence experienced. but for sure, you know of the laws of conservation of matter and energy. i think, then, that something new was created.
i was afraid that i was talking too much, but he said that he liked it. the wind swept and cradled my face when i bent it out the car window. the big dipper was on its side. everything was quiet, and the time was prevalent moreso than before or after. it was 12:37 am on monday night, silently slipping into tuesday. the roads had that shiny look, and everything ceased to exist. it was an remarkable way to go.
i like how is eyes catch the light. they are fluid and reflect what they see. i think there might be depth to this. like, what he sees is reflected in his eyes. that is a beautiful thought. i like it.
ben gave me dali . i like dali. i really like ben. i also like jenny and benta. i like evan; he is nice. i like sean. he is kind. i like elliot, yes i do. petie and catlin too. julia also.
i'm still afraid. i wonder if the fear will leave. i don't know what i'm afraid of, logically. at this point, i can only control so much.
i just want to be happy. just like everyone else. that's all we really want. oh gosh. i'm okay. i need to see the forest through the trees.
the world may have ended, but we are all apparently still intact.
leesah-likes at 8:20 p.m.