2007-06-08
amiss
We�re on Mike�s bed, but it doesn�t matter now, as it is debunked and de-sheeted, with just the bare vinyl mattress under us besides a spare blanket. This bed has lost its allure now that it is no longer your roommate�s domain but rather a place to catch a few hours of rest before flying out the next day, flying out and away. It used to taunt me, stacked above yours, higher up and out of bounds. I wanted us on prohibited ground, half out of jest, but the rest as a hidden honesty of always playing by the rules throughout childhood. Well, we�re here now, me laying across your lap and you with your back against the wall, occupying your hands in my hair. There�s some silence, nothing too daunting, but another thing in the room besides me and you. You�ll leave before I do, you�re leaving tomorrow morning. You�re spending your final hours with me, and I don�t know if it�s because most of your friends have left or if it�s because you�re soaking in these moments. I�m moving awkwardly toward you, you laugh at my laugh of grace. Absorb it- not for another few months. I touch your face real funny and tell you I won�t get to touch someone like that again for a while so I want to while I can.
Soon we run out of fidgeting and small speculations about our summers. Soon it�s just me laying there as you sit and look at my face, at least I think you�re looking at my face but I�m not sure because I�m not looking at yours. I�m avoiding it, I�m looking first all the way over to the far right, gazing off, mostly trying not to cry because I sense the buildup. I don�t want you to watch me shed tears- I don�t know why not but at the same time somehow for so many reasons. I turn my head quickly to the left without stopping at you for a glance in between- I can�t do it. I hear your breath. You must be looking at me. I�m sorry. I�m sorry we both have to go. I haven�t done this before, I�m not sure how it works. A few spare phone calls and sporadic post cards, perhaps. I guess we�ll find out. But as you take me into you for one more moment, in a tight hold with sweetly pressed lips, I can�t help but want to sustain us here forever. Screw roller coasters and pools. Let us stay in Mike�s vinyl mattress and I�ll bring myself to look at your longing face and hold us there for as long as we can stay before we find ourselves five states away. I�ll miss you.
leesah-likes at 11:44 p.m.