2006-11-13
ornamental anticipation
I'm sitting in the library* doing my work at a desk; to my left is the window offering a view of a few sparse trees and the fields of melting whiteness.
I'm sitting there and I'm wishing I was ambidextrous because my hand is aching a little and there is this callous indent on my left middle finger and my right hand just awkwardly sits while the other scribbles away.
I'm not thinking about what I'm writing down. I'm thinking about putting up my bear ornament on the tree, the one that says "Elizabeth" in pretty italic handwriting and matches Edward's. And Elena will be next to me putting up hers, and we can see the view of the familiar maples out of the living room windows that have that refracted wave-ish effect to them in some parts because they are so old. I live in a historic home and the glass windows were made differently back then.
*I don't like calling it the "libe." Part of me wants to rebel against being a college student and some of the abstract mentalities that might come along with it. I know that sounds stupid, and that little nonchalant lingo like that aren't the best example of the image I'm eschewing. Whatever.
I'd like to say things have been more constant, and that the last entry was actually about something true. But things continue to vary in a way that I just can't peg down. And now I'll be home in a week. It's pretty incredible.
I'm trying to find my best ways to explain it. How not only have I been displaced from the people/places that helped mould be into the person I have become, I have also been trying to keep track and get involved into an entirely new environment. That's a powerful combination to make you less sure about yourself and forget some of your essences. I want my essences back, dammit.
I'll probably end up spacing more on my work, thinking about the ornaments and food plates with steam rising off of it and whatnot. About seeing Petie again, oh wow.
There's just so much to look forward to, it's hard to give much credit to what's here and now. It's just fine stuff, but dims in comparison. The highlight of tonight's dinner were the breadsticks and feeble conversation. The sun wasn't out much today. I no longer have philosophy readings and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do without them (sort of joking here). There's people. There's lots of those. But I kind of suck at dealing with them. So what I'm left with is that beautiful prospect of the future.. only one week away.
leesah-likes at 8:14 p.m.