2006-10-02
ambivbalance
I had tender feelings that you made hard,
but it's your heart, not mine, that's scarred.
so when i go home, i'll be happy to go -
you're just somebody that i used to know.
you don't need my help anymore,
it's all now to you, there aint no before,
now that you're big enough to run your own show
you're just somebody that i used to know.
I don't know why those lyrics feel so poignant, but they do. I feel that way about some people about some people I was once close with and have since vaguely severed ties, for whatever reason. You're just somebody that I used to know. It's a little disheartening, but maybe quite true.
I like watching the leaves fall, of course. What a graceful death. They burst in colour in their final weeks, then are taken off by the wind to float to their end.
I'm not entirely sure that my school work is infusing my brain. I don't know why I'm not fully exploring my " untraveled worlds." Something about exhaustion and still settling in, maybe.
I wish I had more to say to you. I'm a little preoccupied tossing around the idea of "me." I've always been so sure about who I am. Now I am vaguely questioning myself. I'm uncertain of what is important to me, and how to express how I feel and think. It's complicated and kind of smushes into this overall ambivalence about life in general. I want to feel out some balances in my life. Not to establish or set balances, but figure out where they are for me. I know that this almost sounds emo-ish, but it's not. This is just how I roll... yes.. by sucking at articulating things.
I am still missing things that were once so easily familiar. I am re-reading some Gatsby. I am looking people in the eyes when they talk, and sighing in the mellow twilight as I see it through to its dusk. This is me. Leesah. Yup.
leesah-likes at 6:25 p.m.