2005-09-13
smile, tired!
Today, as we left the school building, our bodies welcomed the fresh air. I'm sure the air was pretty much just as good today as it is on other days, but as always, it is what we (us) take away from the situation and event that truly matters.
After six hours enclosed in the school, the air was fresher and crisper. This is autumn on its away. The torrents and downpour is a preview; it is summer wringing itself out, releasing the damp moisture accumulated under the perspiration of the sun as these rain drops create an interesting transition into the crisp and dry autumn. Don't you like the sound of that?! No? Okay.
Today I smelled the scent of burning wood. It wasn't summer-bonfire-esque, more like "it's cold and we need to create heat to keep us warm." It was actually pretty pleasant.
I am going to miss summer, but not more than I miss my cousins in Michigan. I'm not sure how to better explain that. Both always have presence, both will come again, I anticipate experiencing both, I don't know, et cetera.
It was pretty awesome how I procrastinated on that lab and it still worked out. I like reminding myself of little situations like that, they somehow help, so my journal is the place to do it. I had the three day weekend* to figure it out, but I didn't even pick it up again outside of the class data collection on Thursday until Sunday night at about ten. I worked on it then for two hours, then woke up an hour earlier on Monday morning to seal the deal and have it ready for first period. I was delirious and apathetic about it, and I honestly didn't care. Next thing I know, he's flashing my lab on the overhead as an example to the rest of the class of how to do it right. That's pretty awesome, Lisa.
*Yeah, it was a three-day weekend for me. That's what you get for being an upstanding speech member- you get to go around the school and tell people to yay be great like me and join our speech team! we are good and we know it! we rock the kazbah! so yeah. At least I believed everything I said in my schpeil. I have a lot of pride for FHS speech, but none of it is blind. I like it this much because I know it- I feel it- to be this good.
I thought it was just kind of cool to get the opportunity to go around to classes and talk to people like that. It's not like I was afraid or something. I mean, how often- if ever, do I get to see these random people and actually have their attention as they listen to me? It's unfortunate that it had to be under the circumstances where I was trying to get them to buy in, but at least I support and believe in what I was representing.
Yeah. It's nice to connect with people. I guess I thrive off of it, sometimes. It depends on the mood. Maybe I am an extrovert, and I just don't realize it because I'd like to think I was more of an introvert. I always thought introverts were more reflective and considerate, and had a better sense of self, albeit internalized.
...How about not classifying yourself at all...? There's a swell idea, Lisa.
I didn't make enough people laugh today. I like to make people laugh. It's not something I can work on, though. Humor comes best when natural, like most things.
What CAN I work on, anyway? Being nicer to family? Mom's birthday is tomorrow. Bouquets are expensive. I beaded her a necklace, tested its durability on myself. While removing it from my head, it broke and shattered. That's pretty irritating, but doesn't bother me as much as you may think it would erk an avid beader like myself.
OH, beads are beautiful. I went to the bead stampede again this year. All these people set up tables with beads all layed out- expensive, rare, vintage, antique, unique, basic, everything beads. It was so great to see it all. I'm not sure how much money I spent- I decided not to keep track. I figured hey, I am spending my money on something I truly enjoy- that is not a waste- so why stress myself with financing it? So I didn't. I got some great stuff. The vendors there are pretty professional- I got the notion that some of them actually travel overseas or something to buy surpluses (surpli?) of imported beads from places like Czech Republic (met the new exchange student from there? he seems pretty cool) and Austria. They call stuff (uh, big beads and necklaces and even bracelets and things) a "piece." "That's a nice piece you have there." It sounds so refined. Seed bead, accent bead, spangles, clasps, charms... "piece"... I am up on my bead lingo, you see.
Friends are really cool people. I like mine! A lot! I got cauliflower-cheddar soup with Julian. Adam joined us later and we talked about cool stuff! Dan and I had fun on Friday- we went with Michael to Coffee Traders. I went to Polson on Friday and saw people- I didn't even mention that yet, Gosh! It was great. Lizz and Matt and Issac and kindred Anjuli, they deserve their own entry. Augh, maybe some other time. Home is good, too. Thom played songs I recognized on the guitar and showed be pictures (I like that). I was hoping he'd come, and he did. I like talking to Petie. We have a good time that never ever feels like a waste. She makes me laugh, and in lots of ways. I like more people than this. I like everybody!
Sleep is approaching. These days are difficult, time has its bounds and recreation is best slipped in (or better-phrased: "slipped into") only with scruples of not yet completing the other tasks at hands (if only I were an octopus! :P). Job is almost done- which has ended up being a horrific four-hour block of after-school time. In that sense, it's good it's almost over. Because it is now time to move forward, to change with the times. The era of summer is over, and my left hand is now back adjusted to scribbing quickly across loose leaf (hey! do you think that name for the type of paper has anything to do with fall? how in autumn loose leaf paper seems most prolific?!) and my mind is back on a course that needs to balance so, so much. Work and play. Wing it or scrutinize it. Now and later. Convenience and seeking out the better. Self and others. Really try or give just enough. Want and need, Romantic whims and STOP THAT AND GET BACK TO WORK!
Well, it is time to go, but I want to somehow remind myself of tired smiles (smile, tired!) despite exhaustion. Or maybe even with exhaustion, knowing it's possible to be drained and happy. That will really have to do for now. These days are good. And they'll keep getting better.
leesah-likes at 11:15 p.m.