2005-09-11
let it rain
i am tired and lonely and sad and i don't know what to do. i feel like society is decaying before my eyes and it hurts. used to be so innocent, laughing about 4th-grade level things and letting your mom tie your hair in a ribbon. i saw you dancing. seeking sex. that's one miniscule example. i don't know why i feel this way. somehow decent. it's not right. makes me seem uptight or religious. i want to talk to someone but no one cares everyone is just so into themselves just like me, and what would i say, as if i am so pure as the world is gradually corrupted. how my scope of sin is more broad, or how my definition varies. sin is bad. i don't know. i can't talk. you can't know the massive buildup behind these eyes.
let's all go suck on each other
and move our hands all around
seeking a pulsating moment to escape
words uttered in obligation and fear
i want someone to hold me. i'm too tense. last night's dream sucked. about warmth of exboyfriend's body and getting rejected from college. i don't need any of this. it's not dramatic. my happiness is just slippery. i loved most of today.
what does it mean when you are slow dancing with one guy and another guy mouths over his girl's shoulder and your guy's shoulder to you, "you're hot!" and when your body gets scanned by eyes, or some lame version of flirting ensues..? i honestly don't know how this world works. and it's hard not to feel left out. such emptiness. this is the whole world goddamnit, it's not about you so don't think it. i don't need this.
i need to see the ribbons again. i need an innocent hand held. i want that warm, pure feeling and i am looking around and feeling so saddened by what i come to know. i don't know why this makes me so sad. as if i had no idea. my bubble is being tainted by the rest of the world. i just feel profoundly disappointed and i can't express it right because i am so tired and lonely and sad and i don't know what to do.
leesah-likes at 12:14 a.m.