2005-05-09
fine
things are inconsequentially normal.
it's may. i attempt to express it in poetry, but i can't.
i don't want to live in a word of regret. i should have danced in the rain more.
will i regret not working on english right now? will i regret never asking him and finding out for sure what i know in my mind? you don't know what you want, you really don't. you have a vague idea. a vibrant life and to occasionally share that with someone as something more than a friendship.
look up and out, remember that? i have come so far as i keep looking back in this journal. it's fun to read today's entry, and then the one from this time last year. so different. who would place themselves where we are now? time changes us like we can't even imagine.
yes, wanting what everyone else wants make you like everyone else. congratulations once again.
amy is so goofy. she downed a corona and then burped it as petie and i watched and barely thought. crazy girl. we've lost our touch. but we'll always have it, because that's what knowing someone for nine years does to you.
buckle down, stupid girl. stupid girl is me. stupid infatuations and daze of anti-schoolness, it won't get you very far. ...when did it start being about distance?
i should probably talk to my aunt krissy. and write in my documentation, i have not done that since my birthday nearly five months ago. time is so weird. five months ago. i don't want to talk about time, it really messes me up. i've been writing down the highlight of each day for the past three weeks. chances are, you're on it.
i won't live by my weekends. tomorrow i get to blankly perform in front of a blank audience, and eat spaghetti in a hopefully not-awkward setting. AND act like a gawking dork but only in a very self-critical way. i'll be fine as long as i don't use rainbows as a conversation piece like i did last time.
...Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
Try not to say anything weird....
...Try not to focus on yourself
Share that love with someone else
Don't let the bitters bring you down
Don't let anything bring you down...
i'll be fine, no matter what. that is a brilliant, comforting idea and it stems completey from within. nothing hurts right now. that might change. but no matter what, i'll be fine.
leesah-likes at 10:31 p.m.