2005-04-11
progress
Don't you ever wish you were someone else, you were meant to be the way you are exactly. Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are, if you learn to love yourself, you'll be better off by far. And I hope you always stay the same, 'cause there's nothing about you I would change.
I was going to run to the cemetary today. I was in the park, halfway there, and it started raining. That may have been more reason to go, but I didn't. The drops fall in the pond and expand outward. It makes the water look alive.
I felt angry when I got home today, and then I realized that the ideal Me would never be mad. Because it's not worth it. People, stuff, self.. anger gets you know-where when trying to deal with all of it. I suppose this applies to resentment and grudges too. I'll work on that.
When I look at my life right now, in some ways I find it how I used to be. And in a good way. Back to when I was the Self of nearly one year ago.
Today I went to the bathroom during math class to wash my hands with warm water. I went the other way. Prog was standing there and looking out the window on the stairwell. I could have just stood there next to him and wasted away the whole period.
I need to stop wanting this much. I am so alive. I want. I don't have, and I'm not Getting. Yet, at least.
I don't want to write a bunch of frivolicious details. It's not worth my time. But geez. Maybe it is.
Simba likes me, despite what the owner says. I can't wait to just drive. Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there.
There is this place in The Phantom Tollbooth called the doldrums. There are all of these mopey shapeless things who lay around and do nothing except self-absorb and pity in the doldrums. They get sucked in and end up not being able to leave. Milo gets himself out, but only because Tock asked him cognitive questions to make him snap out of it. Milo would have sunk right in to that mundane world and moped (mo-ped? fun!) with the rest. Tock is a dog with a clock inside of him, that makes a ticking sound. I need a Tock. Will you be my Tock?
I like feeling my heart beating quickly. And the sound of my breathing. Caring what other people think can be a real waste of time. It was awesome to climb trees. Ben and I talked about our low points. Existentialism is dangerous. Maybe it's not. It could just be nothing. I suppose it doesn't matter. bye!
ohh this is an awesome edit (?!)
copy and paste, foo! http://explodingdog.com/january2/idontwantoforgetyou.html
leesah-likes at 5:31 p.m.