2005-03-12
bathing
i took a bath. i am learning again to appreciate my own body. i like the smell of my skin. i like how my shoulders feel. i don't feel like kissing anyone.
there was something else i wanted to say, but i might have forgotten it.
i might have a 9.0 pH in my blood right now. an acid heart.
i can't wait to see my grandmothers. these are lovely women who have lived to see far more than i, who know much better.
the weather today was fickle. i helped josh study for chemistry and he still only got a 65. he was proud of it, but it made me feel a bit sad. too many reasons to feel sad. i wonder how ben's day was.
my mother knows me better than anyone. she saw the convenience, the comfort, the security. she also saw the lack of class and how i was never inspired. she knows best. i miss edward. he would never trample over people to get what he wanted. he is sturdy and not-stupid. i'm trying really hard here not to say anything. i mean really, you know?
sometimes i feel ok. i feel pretty good right now. i have stuff to do. i'll go do it, eventually.
there's people around who care. that has to be one of the best feelings ever. i love laughing in the middle of crying. i love not caring, even though apathy has never been my strong suit. and hey, there's always hope. i'm good at that one. tomorrow will be even better. goodbye!
leesah-likes at 9:54 p.m.