2005-01-02
send me all your vampires?
last night i had a dream where amy and i laughed out as we remembered box and whisker plots.
i knew i would find some way to procrastinate!
this weekend i actually had a thought that i don't have to be as stressed and ambitious about speech as i am. like, it became a feasible alternative. what if i'm crumbling?! i'm laughing a little right now.
i should call someone and talk on the phone, have a connnversation. i've been away from normal people for too long! the family bahhhh
idiosyncrasy
that's funny, to ask someone like that if they think you're pretty.
i don't need anybody. i am wonderfully independent, but i want you all! i won't sleep much tonight. i need to be surrounded by unknowing adolescents who are actually more oblivious than i am. i apologize, i don't mean to come off so condescending. high school, people, civilizzzaaashun! i don't like 2005 so far. how about you? what if life had a laugh track like the sitcoms do?!
oh i'll add to this more later
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sometimes i forget that everything is going to be all right. there is an ebb and flow of self-content and neurotic inclinations.
could i be happy with myself if i were lonely? wasn't i? i miss walking in the park like i used to. not knowing and waiting for a sound affirmative, is that worse than confidently knowing in the negative? what am i so vague?
i want to see the opera, to be in a theatre so big that i am small, small small.
i am bruised
it's all a matter of perception, it always is...!
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you are a good friend, i was afraid of trusting you but we can both benefit from each other. i won't openly say your name!
a bemusing response to anything, ever, can always be "how can you say that?! look at yourself!"
damnit, whatever i get docked on this for, it definitely won't be conventions! mwaha!
i'll try not to let it be stressful, at least not until finals week. keep it in perspective. just math, and english. i'll make it, i'm a smart girl. i shouldn't tarnish my journal with these stupid thoughts!
i haven't played the piano in so long. then again, i haven't made ice cream in so long either! the last and only time was second grade!!!!
You need a bath. you probably smell.
this new year is no different! people should stop telling themselves that it is, some stupid chance for redemption and such! i would never be one to actively encourage people to give up, but maybe it's a bit ridiculous and i am right.
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it's finished, and i am glad. i am a skilled Writer. i do not pride myself for many things, but this is one of them. it's not just me, it's been reaffirmed. no one else knows what i got on those tests and papers, and i'm a pompous jerk for gleefully reminding myself. enough of this crap.
i have a shoebox filled with all the cards i have ever received since i started it. it's quite a collection, and it's kind of fun. uncle alex sent me the same card twice, but it's a good one. it has a joke on it. "Why was the teacher cross-eyed? Because she didn't know how to control her pupils!"
all the instances and events occurences in all the world and somehow i end up knowing you. i am so, so wonderfully fortunate.
time to shower. the sky is big, bigger than all of this. forget that it's the new year! same-old some-ald! yeah! bye...!
leesah-likes at 5:55 p.m.