2004-10-04
bubblebathism
below you shall witness one of the rare times that i type something here from my real journal. nope, that doesn't really mean anything special, but still. maybe it's a filler. it was this weekend during bubblebathism.
I wish I could just make all of my thoughts and feelings flow through this ink and bleed unto the paper. This is life- it's everything within me. I sense my own existence and I somehow understand it. This can be fleeting, but I want to capture it and make it stay. Life is acceptable. Mine is other people. I want to do it all, and so far it has presented itself for me to have. This may not be my doing- it isn't really possible for me to comprehend the origin. I know it may not even matter, I cannot imagine the true source of the goodness that I experience. I want to give back after receving this much, but I'm not sure how. Lving requires so much- the very act of being and awareness. I think ahead to all I must do and all else that can matter just as much. I am the seeping of more than two realms. Accomplishment and experience mesh within me and I wonder how to do it all. Everything is reassuring besides the inevitable doubts I contain and cannot rid of. This world is big and people make much of it through their actions and receptions. Want and need must blend, and I must retain all the rapture that I can manage to embrace. I enjoy the way I feel even thought I can't understand or explain it. There is something in the middle between taking in and giving back like the ephemeral moment amidst inhaling and exhaling when I am doing neither. I could not write it all or make another poignant attempt to do so. I just know what life is. It simply "is." Ink remains but words are not conveying. I Am.
leesah-likes at 7:48 p.m.