2004-09-29
staircase coughed
i'm home! and look at the time! here i am. in the house, so to speak. nothing is going on..! i have five major tasks to accomplish this evening. they aren't even that big, but referring to them as so is a reminder of their importance. there is stuff to do, and it must be done.
things are jiffy, generally speaking. last night (starting after school, por favor) i was many things. amongst them was pseudo-authoritative, unjustifiably depressed, improved, swell beyond the word, really afraid and intimidated, perturbed, and tired. mostly in that order, i think. it's easier to think of others than myself and even a subtle form of self-disdain. other people don't have it peachy. not to say that i do.
sometimes i think people see me and they think i have it pretty good. they see an attitude that they somehow interpret as inhereantly sociable and positive. my depth is reduced in their eyes through some supposed cheeriness and they are the deep ones in their troubles and self-inflicted sorrow. all i can say is that i give up, and quite litterally.
*the declaration of independence actually has the word "things" in it.
i want to type out my life just letting it flow through my fingertips and out onto this computer screen, all out there in some spreadsheet document where it is layed and can be understood, by me at least. there are certainly boundaries. i bind myself. you can't see it, you're not allowed to, and doing so would diminish it in my mind. accuse this page of sucking, stop coming. i am content. i miss watermelon, and those beautiful leaves won't last forever either (ee-thur). i live by the seasons. i wish they lived by me instead. i would pick and choose which season each day would entail. you could help me, your suggestions will always be welcomed and seriously considered. i'll throw in a tornado in the mountains, but only once and only if no one gets hurt, including all plants and animals.
it's boggled and messed and going in the right cardinal direction. people get concerned with that, if their way is the right way. it is. probably.
tv kills. there's a presidential debate tomorrow night. mr. armstrong is great. i must learn my "reverie" and it must be because i want to. i'll play it for you, but not in front of you. allow that to makes sense, it had best.
my brother was in my dream last night. my dream the night before sortof predicted the havoc of this here wednesday in some extent. we're being optimistic. or trying to. if we all switched positions and i was the victim and there was such speculation, i'm sure i would feel terrible and would want to be alone in quarantine for two days or so. i know she'll make it though, because she's better at this kind of stuff than i am. i worry because i know it's all far-fetched, and that those related aren't always exactly alike but still i worry yep. it makes that real world a little more, well, real. this is a stupid paragraph. i needn't even write about it nor include it to be posted, but i'm in that mood where i'm too lazy and i've gone too far to turn back.
julian pointed out today that his French teacher is the cheerleading coach. i won't pretend i wasn't mildly disappointed after all the cool things i 've heard about her. math wasn't so bad, i sctually got something out of last night. if i was on of the german exchange students who was at our homecoming assembly today, i would have had thoughts like "aw, these crazy americans are really something..." et cetera. i would do lots of other things as a german exchange student, but that pretty much goes without saying. gorp has no school spirit. petie acted, i felt bad. no sign language lady.
in my special hallway, everyone was coughing. you would have been too if you were in it, because there were really strong fumes, maybe of that axe colognes that everyone has been spraying in excess. me and the few others on the staircase coughed and covered our faces. it was an experience, let me tell you.
oh, five things to do, that's right. and i've typed more than enough to suffice my need to get it out in some stupid and un-enjoyable way. it's dull i know, and rather unappealing, but i had to be typed so there it is.
if tomorrow is thursday, then things* will happen on that day.
leesah-likes at 3:35 p.m.