2009-12-08
tonight
Tonight I am in love with you. Tonight I am in love with you. I love you, I love you, I love you. It�s the sort of thing that�s worth repeating like that, because the simplicity and barebones of the words, their lack of eloquence yet straightforwardness, must prevail here, and the rhythm of their repetition sounds like a chant, like a religious spiritual mantra woven from the depths of one�s soul. And that sort of rapture, that deep enamoring isn�t sustained by flowery, eloquent language. Just, I love you. I ache to see your smile, and that familiar tilt of your head, cocked away from me yet facing me, as if to take me in from a bit of a distance, as I speak, as if to admire a bit. I want to hold your hand, you know?! I want to hold your hand. And some of this. But perhaps a somehow a little less quirky, and a little less intense.
I tire of the inconsequential relationships offered at Carleton. I hate how the college years renders everyone so busy and selfish. Like there is no time for romance, like there are things of much greater substance and coolness to attend to, including drinking and video games, and supposedly learning. What about love? What about instead of being self-indulgent and distracting yourself and causing procrastination with some vice, you delved into someone, and got inspired, and felt that wonderful enigmatic feeling, ��the kind of love that makes you feel that intangible joy in the pit of your stomach, like a bucket of acid and nerves running around, making you hurt and happy and all over...� (from the movie Magnolia, 1999). I�d rather feel that, instead of the wreckless oblivion we inculcate. Because loving makes you feel more alive, and numbs you at the same time. And it�s shared and special, it�s the perfect (I hate to make this metaphor but it aligns) drug.
Tonight, tonight, I love you. Like James Stewart walking Donna Reed home after the Christmas Ball in �It�s a Wonderful Life.� Or the damned romance in �West Side Story.� You know, all that stuff. I�m into it tonight. Tonight, Tonight. Listen to the Smashing Pumpkins song, it�s good. And the guitar part is sweet and gentle and captures some of what I�m trying to say here. Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight.
leesah-likes at 10:20 p.m.