2009-12-05
i could be with
I am already sick of this ache. At first it was novel; at first it was something to feel, a reminder that I might just truly be alive and cognizant, despite evidence to the contrary. But now the pang resonates within me, and it's not just some cute sense of longing any more. It's developing into something a little more zealous in nature, it's becoming a deeper craving.
The hard thing about the feeling is that perhaps it's not justified, perhaps the entity inspiring it is not worth the ache, not of enough substance or salience to burn me as it does. That's the worst, because then in the end it feels not only underwhelming, but also foolish.
And I worry the feeling is contrived, that it is serving to give me something to do/feel rather than being genuinely inspired. This is a danger, but one I have to trust myself on.
I have always been like this.
I have always wanted, even sometimes with unjust or insufficient cause.
I know it's okay. It's probably kind of arbitrary- a right place/right time sort of thing.
But this is what I do.
"I could be with anyone
Just while the honeymoon burns bright
No electricity that keeps things light
I'm not saying that it's right
I'm not saying that it's always right
I'm just saying that it's not a lie.
'Cause I can talk to anyone
Care just enough about our wounded pride
A ballerina dreams a lead foot life
A sugar daddy and his clueless wife
And I know that it's not right
I just don't always know how or why
So I can stick to anyone
At least for a little while
A caffeinated stream of cartoon smiles
And conversations sharp and deep
A tempting sample of who I could be
Without the broken glasses waiting underneath
So I'd walk soft if I were you
You could cut up your feet
For now it's just what I am
But it's not what I'll be, oh hopefully.
See I'm in love with everyone
Every sweetheart on the scene
Each set of cheekbones that'll flare past me
I'm not saying that it's right
And I'm not saying it's a life
I'm just saying it's where I'm at tonight.
And I could be with anyone..."
leesah-likes at 11:30 a.m.