remove ad

***

leesah-likes

(a memoir)

#09

2009-11-28

"lust for life"

i'm feeling this song right now, i think for stupid gender-role reasons, like that they seem like girly lines and it's sung in a girly way but then it's a guy's voice, kind of like a funny mockery, but also really frank and kind of charming in its own way. i'm feeling the lyrics, i wish i had all those things, including the ones that i do have.

oh i wish i had a boyfriend
i wish i had a loving man in my life
i wish i had a father
and maybe then i woulda turned out right
but now im just crazy im totally mad
yeah im just crazy im fucked in the head

and maybe if i really tried with all of my heart
then i could make a brand new start in love with you

oh i wish i had a sun tan
i wish i had a pizza and a bottle of wine
i wish i had a beach house
then we could make a big fire every night
instead im just crazy im
totally mad
yeah im just crazy im fucked in the head

and maybe if i really tried with all of my heart
then i could make a brand new start in love with you

cmon cmon cmon kayda

all romance feels contrived to me right now. that bugs me. my pleas, my hopes, my yearnings, all feel vacuous, all feel almost like it is felt for the sake of itself. i don't like this feeling, i want something real, i want to earnestly and truly want. it's the same old story as always, you know? we're so young. even when i turn 22, still, so young. everyone's just so selfish, that any sweetness and patience is probably ultimately self-serving, and i'm not immune to that either.
maybe i don't care about this too much. all i really want to do is kiss right now, i'm feeling bored and restless. i miss your warmth, and your sweetness. i wish i had a beach house.

leesah-likes at 10:24 p.m.

previous | next