2007-12-19
shades of gray
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
Of course just being with her would be therapeutic, would lift of the weight I felt pressing down on my chest. Her presence, and the simplicity of the soft gray spectrum spanned before us, different shades of it luring in blueness and whiteness of the lake, the mountains, the ice, the sky. I let the peace of it seep in. And I felt better without even having to try.
I'm less moody then you remember, I tell her. That's not entirely true. I've just gotten better at keeping it to myself.
I don't mope as much, I say. The verity of that one holds. I don't. Things affect me differently than they used to. My reactions have become more placid to some things, and more deep to the things that really matter to me. I restrain the expression of my mopeyness, I hold it in and then it dissolves.
How the ice got formed into a frozen stasis of that shape is a mystery, but it is beautiful. The whole scene carries a glory to it, being Montana and all, on the span of the lake with that famed big sky. It's beautiful for sure, but I don't feel anchored to it. I feel anchored to her. It's been a year apart, but I can still be put at ease by her company. Although I don't want to write of my feelings as if wrongfully reducing them to admiration and appreciation, I have to admit that I think she's more beautiful then the entire scene, and also that she contains it within her. So many beautiful, nuturing shades of gray, soft, encompassing. This is what the world needs more of. This is what my world needs.
Driving to work today, gliding down a hill northward, a haze overtook the horizon, and the mountains were shrouded by fog. The milkiness that concealed them made it look like there was nothing and it was but a simple bland prairie, and it reminded me of Minnesota. I grinned when the mist cleared and the true terrain was revealed.
I'll be ready to go back when I have to, but for now, it's good here.
leesah-likes at 12:38 a.m.