2007-08-26
wave goodbye
The bubbles rolled over, countless tiny domes of air, undulating to their demise. It reminds me of stumbling, like taking the last few steps extra fast when prancing down a staircase. They tumble, twirl, and dissipate.
If I could just watch the froth wash over, gently pecking at my ankles, I think I will be alright.
It all gets too complicated. The soft wake of the fading whitecaps, that can calm me and undo all the frustrations. The pain of always breaking even, leveling out, a balanced conclusion. How I can't evade to laws of energy or matter- how science seems to have me stuck in mediocrity; how progress seems doubly impossible.
Any advance, it always seems to recess. Just like the waves themselves. Any nudge forward, it is inevitably drawn back.
And the thought is sobering, it is saddening. But when I watch it in nature, I can accept it in a mindless way, not thinking of my own challenges, my tribulations, that unravel because I never have enough might, enough will, to push myself up. I will sink back down. There is a surge forward, but it is helplessly tugged back, back to the status quo, back to the rational, sound, and accepted parameters of existence as is.
I will not delve into the misfortune of it too deeply- I refuse to lament over it too heavily. No good can come of my mourning, and I instead can listen to my songs, melodies drifting like an audio version of the waves, graceful and yearning.
The water churns. I feel the press upon me, and the inevitable pull back. Press and pull. A movement known well in my heart. I will press on.
leesah-likes at 10:26 p.m.