2006-10-19
there there
i'm currently composed of some sort of bland chaos. i could say i'm doing better, but i don't feel like assessing it. i don't really feel like talking about myself. i want to lay in the sun. i want to tell you something amazingly spectacular by making your mind twirl while i poke at your brain.
i know (or knew, rather, in some ways i guess) this boy who left a fossil on my heart. i realized that the other night when i heard some random coldplay song that we probably listened to in his car once. it was from "parachutes" and had some drifting melody of piano blended with chris martin's softly howling voice. imprinting is so weird. it's permanent, did you know that?
i'm thinking of petie's "not good-bye" song that she sang to me. "after all, the world is small. so long, i'll see you again, see you again someday." she is in china now, across an entire massive body of water, on the other side of the world. we cried together on julian's bed as he packed. it was the last night of the three of us would be together for a while, because he was flying to yale that morning. we cried together, which is a big deal because crying is a pretty private and discreet matter. this was my life, real and actual and stuff. how did it ever become the stuff of nostalgia?
i want to be able to hold my philosophy reading up to my head and get some kind of information-diffusion going on where it all just moulds itself into my head. because even though it's all subtly fascinating, i don't feel like doing it right now.
i'm a good student. positive self assertions!
the times are swift. keep listening to music, it'll keep you normal. smile when you can manage. allow nostalgia to be ironic, because you're reminiscing about your real and current (in heart) life (nothing gets more real than julian and petie). so long!
leesah-likes at 4:07 p.m.