2006-08-21
epiphanies.
There is a quote from Reading Lolita in Tehran that I have decided that I love.
"Do not, under any circumstances, belittle a work of fiction by trying to turn it into a carbon copy of real life; what we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth."
-Azar Nafisi.
The epiphany of truth. Isn't that beautiful? It is beautiful irony; perhaps what we can discover within our imagination and fantasies is the very heart of what is real within us.
I want to suprise myself. I have been so predictable for a while. I am ready to do and feel in ways that I myself do not even see coming. And I don't mean chugging vinegar or running a stop sign. Just... something.I'm ready for it. I feel it. I think it could happen.
It's so fascinating and fufilling to recognize the semblance of an emotion without having to pin it down as solid and truly existing. This is how I can sense the faint feeling of certain closure, like a subtle fragrance in the air. I know it is there, it is hazy but real, so real within me. I know I will not pine for him again, and within that comes a warm contentment. It all has been braided away in memories that fade in the summer sun.
Today is beautiful as well, and I think I can accept it as a gift, something I can lovingly receive and cherish. I'm going to go ride my bike, with music drifting in my ears. Later I'll go to a movie with friends, maybe the last time I'll see some of them. Hrm. Weird thoughts.
Maybe I am too exhausted, confused, or ungraceful for epiphanies of any sort. But we'll see what comes as I continue to accept these daily gifts.
leesah-likes at 5:21 p.m.