2006-04-16
reflections
There are few things that I actually like about our local newspaper.
One is the law roundups, which remind me just how podunk Montana can be. Another is how they print one of Dave Barry's columns every week. But my favorite thing about "The Daily Disappointment" are the quotes of the day. Today's is no exception.
"The best mirror is an old friend." -George Herbert, English author, 1593-1633.
It's too true. Nothing can remind you who you are like someone who's seen you through it, who doesn't flippantly assess you based on one window they get to see you through based upon life circumstances. Someone instead who can reflect your character unto yourself, showing what they truly know about you in your most genuine form. That's what Petie has kind of been for me.
People come and go. They really do; they rotate in and out of life. Take Amy. And Eric, he's gone, dropped. Michael kind of disintegrated away (this is all coming from the self-ish perspective, it's not factual or anything). Dan is... there. Lizz, Ben, Isaac, and Kristine... aren't. Julian is wonderfully omnipresent, but not in this socially way. I see more of Linda (prevalent workplace underground nickname: "Mother Hen") and Maryanne (the 60-year-old one who's rough around the edges so you don't know if she's joking or being needlessly mean in this irritating way) than I do people I actually want to see, like Katy, and Ben, and Adam. Sporkfoon is closed. But Petie has kind of been my friend through the thick of it. There's new people around, mostly her new pals. I spend some time with them through lazy connections, my thoughts sometimes strewn elsewhere. Everything kind of shifts again. I hope she always remains for me though.
It's weird talking about college. Look how our conversation topics have shifted! From speaking of boys and speech, now somehow transcending both of those to talk about� our future! Like, the next four damn years! It's still weird to talk about it how we do, how it's so feasible and present. It's an obscure elephant in the room that we're trying to decipher, scholarships, best "fit" (whatever that means..) and etc. She's not giving herself enough credit with the college stuff. It's weird, because I've always been the one to be overly hard on myself, and I always thought she was better about this sort of stuff. Maybe I just can't understand the situation because it's not mine.
And about the college stuff, I only want to be dramatic about it because that's fun.
And trust me, I have a serious lack of drama in my life right now.
Okay, so, this next weekend is a serious pivot in my life. Opportunities to make crucial decisions that affect us like this don't come along ever so often. I can remember a few.
Choosing to change Girl Scout Troops. (don't laugh.)
-I met Amy and Lindsy. Our friendships majorly helped form my preadolescence.
Mom asks me if it's okay with me that we move.
-In the most vague, lazy explanation: my life becomes what it is today. This house, this school, and everything encompassed therein.
I don't give up on Vinnie that one summer or something like that.
-I get in the first serious and thus far most fulfilling romantic relationship in my life, teaching me both true love and true pain.
..add this one�
I choose __________ over __________ (fill in blanks with "Carleton" and "Northwestern," but maybe not in that order) as a place to spend my next four years earning a degree to use for the rest of my life.
-A significance that culminates perhaps more meaning than the three critical decisions that proceeded it.
Okay. Point made. This is huge, people. I'm stoked.
I just want to be happy. I feel so great to have the luxury of choosing from the best places for me to have such an opportunity. Yay. Okay. Enough said. Narrative due next Wednesday or so, whence I return.
I'm still awaiting my creation of something beautiful. It's been a while now since I've felt enthralled enough to make something of profound worth and enjoyment. Anything. Writing, beading, joyous emotions instilled in others, or the wonderness of bubblebathism for myself.
I've been uninspired lately. I think it will come. I'm not going to force it.
I have an adventure to see to. I'll just be me for now, and see where that gets me. Bye for now.
leesah-likes at 7:42 p.m.