2005-12-11
happenings
It is December and I am happy about that.
This week is going to be so much of a whirlwind that I am already working ahead. But alas, I am also somewhat behind. I have yet to write some Northwestern �personal statement� based on some obscure quote by Picasso that bashes computers.
I like this excerpt from Mimi Smartypants' diary.
We are a few weeks past the anniversary of my friend Eric's suicide, and while I did nothing to mark the "occasion," I still find myself thinking about it a lot. I think about it at the oddest times, actually, like when I am on the early-morning train looking at things like clouds and skyscrapers and sexy strangers and stubbly drag queens. Usually I think something like: Eric didn't want to see this? For real? I guess I just can't get over not wanting to stay and see. I am not talking about seeing the usual baloney like sunsets and loved ones' smiles, but rather candy wrappers in the street. Construction workers eating lunch on the cathedral steps, throwing Funyuns at the pigeons. Blonde Trixies in the office elevator having a serious, and rather heated, debate about the difference between chicken "nuggets" and chicken "tenders." I can't help asking, in my head: Eric, you didn't want any of this? You just said no? Were you sure?
Around this time of year, I wish my name was �Holly.� I think I would be a good Holly! I feel a wee bit whimsy. And I want to find a nice boy
whose eyes gleam like snowflakes when he looks at me,
and I want him to nuzzle my nose with his as we.. oh.. how does that line from �Winter Wonderland� go? Oh, yes. "Later on, we'll conspire, as we dream by the fire..� Hmmmmmm.You can get me this for Christmas.
Watching �What the Bleep Do We Know?� tickled my mind a bit. I liked thinking about the commentators, the arcane scientists who were presenting all these conjectures based in quantum physics.
One of my favourite was that molecules exist anywhere and everywhere when we do not see them. When we turn to see them, we create the possibilities of their location.
I probably just butchered (�cleave� is a janus word) that explanation, but oh well. It's a cool thought nonetheless. Sometimes you hear different ideas, and whether they are true or not (who cares?), they are at least compelling to consider.
I don't like haiku poetry very much.
I want to put this on my mailbox when I am older.
I did feel disappointed when I unsealed the envelope. There is always that cliche that thinner envelopes signify rejection, but this one wasn't that then. Yet.. it wasn't thick enough. So I'm not going to go to Bozeman for free. Oh well. I really did think for a while there that I would get it, as I am sure so did everyone else who applied for it. But.. yup.. oh well.
I don't think we can ever really be grateful enough. But like so many things, it is an intangible ideal that I feel we should always strive for, because we can still gain contentment. But there was a moment there in the car on the way to the cast (wait a sec.. don't you mean.. caste?)party that I actually was entirely grateful. I know I'll be cheesy if I elaborate, but to hell with it; I am an ardent fan of cheddar. I was with Petie and Julian, both of whom were gobbling down man burritos while talking about the most enjoyable things with all their little quirks and special endearing characteristics, all under the milky moon in the dark. I thought about it for a sec, like really thought about it. I am not going to be here next year. I am not going to be with these people. It really struck me, and I had an awe-ful moment. Whoa. Thanks. Thanks so,
SO
much. I love you.Religion
andLove
are just about the most goshdarned interesting things ever. Humanity is... mindblowing. Existence is incredible.
Things invariably turn out for the best.
Guess what? I'm almost eighteen! Isn't that weird? Oh, I'm not putting too much steak into it (literally and metaphorically). Titles rarely mean that much, unless you're president, or you mean titles as in names or genders, or if you need to seek professional help of some sort... actually.. yea, scratch that. yaY! A-Dult! Awesomeness. Hrm. What do you think about that? Oh, I'll stop doting on it now (and I'll start 'dulting! Get it?! haH!).
Ummm, yup.
I assure that there's plenty to be done, and I'll get around to it. I always do.
You know what? I think we need a little simplistic redundancy here. So here it goes:
Whatever happens happens. And that's the end of that.
Have a lovely whatever time.
I hope to see you rather soon so I may behold your loveliness.
�You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.�
-E.L. Doctorow
leesah-likes at 8:25 p.m.