2005-08-12
glitch
i can't communicate. i am struggling to accurately express my thoughts, i hear what i say and it sounds pitiful. i can't speak what i mean to, the words don't work. they fumble around and are eerily absent of the eloquence i have always un-condescendingly considered myself capable of.
i also am finding it difficult to understand why people like me. they warmly and happily receive me, and i don't see why. i think people are nicer to me than i deserve, i feel like they think something is good with me, like worth it, when i feel i matter-of-factly know otherwise. this isn't self-bashing hour or anything, it's not. i've just really been wondering these silly-seeming things lately.
why do people like me?
why can't i say what i want to? i resent that people that i have disdain for seem to ask themselves these similar questions.
what is this sense of being so wholly inept, an ice queen in ways? what?
you are not so far away, yet i really truly miss you. i can't talk, i realize that. but i really like you, i do. believe me. i miss you.
leesah-likes at 11:47 p.m.