2005-06-30
the unheard sound
it is hard to believe that
june is now leaving us.
you had better believe it.
i plan on returning home for the fourth of july. funny how natural that comes for me to say.
i'll go back to the hill where i have seen the fireworks annunally for the past seventeen years. they will erupt and blossom deep into the black sky. the apex of light will illuminate the grass, the river and boats, bridge, the people on blankets, the whole scene. the emitted colours and glistening sparkles will trickle down, falling and settling in the deep water that rustles with waves.
polson is nestled by the bay. i can see rocky point (mattie, kristine, isaac) and finley point (lindsy, amy) reaching toward each other, encasing the area into itself. there is boetcher, riverside, sacajawea, the driftwood, linderman and the track, cherry valley, the courthouse, downtown and the cinemas, the neighborhood on the hill, the skyview, all parts that help comprise this place. the driftwood, the summer theatre playhouse. the church and cemetary, the old house, jette in the distance. yes, jette lake and aspen lane. this is what i call home. i'll be there on the 4th.
i'll also be in the parade.
today i went to the mansion to try on outfits to wear. they had a closetfull. i found one that will suffice. i'll also have a flamboyant hat (well, using that adjective relatively in what it would be called now, not of that time) and gloves! and, i'll be throwing out candy!!! i've often been the recipient of the sweets(even when kristine and i were probably at the age where we just should have let younger kids get them), but i don't ever recall being the source of the goodness! it's the best part of the parade, after all! vera gives a beautiful tour. she does this little giggle thing sometimes, and i question its sincerity. she feels real, though. i like her very much.
oh, she just called. the things she says are interesting enough, but the way she presents them makes them even more worth listening to. she told me that sometimes, at the end of the day, her face is sore from all the expressions she does throughout her presentation. she is truly a unique and pleasant spirit.
i love smiling so much that your face hurts.
the stained glass windows in that place are beautiful. i have been there so many times, and have really good memories associated with it. we went on a tour there during a field trip in fifth grade, and i was trying to avoid robby because we had just did the parner skate at the rink and i felt nervous and weird around him. i consciously remember not paying attention to what they were saying. julian and i have been there so many times. we sat under the gazebo and just talked, it was so pleasing. we have such good conversation. we also met with mr. eckles and his wife there. we all welcomed him (oh, i mean julian) home last summer on that lawn. that was when amelia amusingly told us about how she fell in love in europe. my, time takes its course. vera and i walked along there after her work once, and she pointed out the poppies and i thought of katy because they are her favorite flowers. quincy and i and the cupola. i got a scratch on my neck from being kinder to a cat than it wanted to be to me, and i was eager.
i have also been to the mansion many times alone. i lay on the grass and end up thinking about all that i desire. that lawn somehow instills that in me. the sky is above me as my body rests with the ground beneath it. the kitties visit, and i somehow manage to attribute their peculiar behaviours toward me to some underlying meanings of life. sorry if that makes no sense. but when they turn away...
i think i am going to make a necklace out of buttons. i think it's possible.
i'll write more about the book i am reading when i know what to say about it.
the sunbeam of yesterday was so wonder-filled. the light poured out of the sky and through the trees. the car moved swiftly as it followed adam's, with chris martin quietly crooning from the stereo. her fresh face and eyes fixed ahead, the lake in her background from my perspective. we were surrounded by trees. ones that looked so tall and stately, impressionable saplings, bear grass, hogwarts-esque silver ones, and peeling-banana burnt ones. we saw a snow-monkey mountain, and a lush green patch on a mountain. we were followed by an absurd grouse. butterflies were plentiful and the sound of the crashing currents of waterfalls were always nearby.
i liked the things adam would notice.
i liked the things dan would say.
i liked the way petie would make me feel.
it was an exquisite blend of profoundly enjoyable friends and nature.
good for the soul.yesterday also had a double rainbow. one of them had fire-bright shades. i was so happy to see purple in the sky like that.
michele says the sky is always pretty like how peoples' eyes are always pretty. this is true. the sky is always pretty, and people's eyes are always pretty. these two sources of beauty are often neglected, i think. both donot always make people happy, and that is not their primary function. when in love, maybe, it can be. i am not sure.
i am glad katy came into visit. today adam dropped off my glacier button. it is in my pocket right now. i have been thinking about michael. i want to see eric in person again. i want to listen to music with thomas and maybe pet his cat, but i have to be in the right mood. today i heard a song on the radio and thought about sean. i will always think about sean when i hear this song. i thought about jamie as i drove by her house. i thought of diana, just now. whilst in school, i used to think about random people. now i think about notsorandom people, but people i want to be around and people i enjoy.
i really, really like friends.
one of my goals this summer is to be a better, a good, friend. i'm not sure how to do that. i am just appreciating everyone a lot.work is good. i definitely won't get osteoporosis when i am old. i surely exceed my calcium requirements. my favorites are world class chocolate (in memory of julian), pistacio almond, french vanilla, c.chip cookie dough, and many others. i have a really cool boss. we make clown cones and decorate the hats/cones. today jane but stars on one of them. i put hearts.
i saw jan and robby in the park again today. dogs are awesome.
here is a poem that i found that i really like:
Forgive me
but words are all I have
and the little black letters that appear
on a cold ivory canvas
are all of me I know
and all I've come to trust.
I trust
the blue running across a page
like an ocean spilling forcefully
into a coherent, controlled mess
and the dotted i's and crossed t's
that keep me company.
I love
the rhythm to the words
the rise and fall of accents
that give each piece a mood
the creation that I inspire
the power that I hold.
I know
the shape of every letter
each phrase's personality
the color of a story
the scent of a sonnet
the loyalty of my art.
Could you really ask me
to leave all that behind?
...and so the summer continues. there are songs in me. i don't know the words or even the melody. this music is rapturous. the only descriptions result in vague comparisons; it's like kid a, ella fitzgerald, postalservice. you can't quantify it. the sound reverberates throughout. listen carefully and bask.
leesah-likes at 10:17 p.m.