2005-05-25
ripe
why are things as they are?! you don't know what they are. you know how you see them. adjust your prescription or something if it's not working.
i think feeling a little dull and stale comes with this time of year for me. not referring to the season, but to this time of life with what is currently going on.
i don't feel like typing about "what is currently going on."
i want ripen/blosson/freshen the way this spring has. it's just a bit too much nothing in light of everything.
yesterday i went walking in the rain and ran into sean and elliot.
i had my umbrella and i walked around singing this garbage song called "i'm only happy when it rains."
i feel like a duller, diluted version of myself. NO! leesah, return, be bright.
i have made so much progress this year. i really have. i am more, i am. but it is somehow slipping from me! come BACK! love the stars, dogs, frisbees, dumb jokes, laughing, swinging and ET CETERA.
i want to fall in love with life
i am not interested with being in love with me. bahhh that's dumb and too many people do it without realizing it. you see, this context of "in love" doesn't necessarily mean "to love oneself excessively," but more like the mindset of being so absorbed with a certain life, it this case one's own. stupid stupid. LIFE! people, happenings, places, times, skies, moods, feels, EVERYTHING. i want to love it so so bad and be vivid and vibrant.
say NO to boredom. friends don't let friends get bored (please don't leave me behind, this is a humbled but sincere request because i like you and want you to me in my life). don't get bored and drive. hugs, not boredom!
spicing up one's own life takes energy. it really does. my energy right now is reserved for englishpaper, figuring out how to get an 'a' in chemistry, and SATstuff. but anything leftover, damnit, should not be wasted! no internet unless it is momentarily the social pinnacle on MSN (how lame)! no television when a walk is an option! no deathcab for cutie when you can listen to stuff your friends made you instead! bah, banish emo!
"it's not about what i have, but how my mind handles it." thank you, so true. what DO i have?? it DOESN'T MATTER. and if it doesn't matter, don't bother with it, don't waste the time/energy/LIFE on it. it matters not what i have. but how my mind handles it. mind handling. as if it has hands and fingers to grasp the irrelevant contents. here's an idea (even though i'm not sure how to implement it): handle with care, with enjoyment and appreciation and pure happiness. gently hold and value. juggle if you must. add to it and dispose of the heavy, dangerous stuff (stuff that doesn't matter on top of not mattering in the firstplace!). weird analogy. just teach us the goddam material.
comparison/contrasts should not exist in life outside of english class!!!
the more i consider it, the more i realize no one is beyond anyone. not even intellectually, we all have the same amounts, just different kinds. whoa, long link. maybe i'll elaborate on that later, because i have an interesting (un-disprovable!) theory.
my role models right now are simply the trees affected by spring that i see outside.
i just want to ripen and blossom.
leesah-likes at 4:47 p.m.