2005-05-15
i'm sure it's half full
i think running is poetic. i am going to start doing it more often. hopefully with petie too. i avoid running with other people because i worry i am going too fast or too slow for them, and also sometimes people like to talk when they run but i get too into my breathing to do that, and it's hard for me to multitask when it comes to exercise.
i am getting better at driving mah car. i can eat, change the station, and drive successfully at the same time! it's kind of cool, and this sounds flitty and dumb, but still.
what ever made me think that it is possible to run out of things to say?! i'll have to remember that. life is amazing. just talk about life itself, and all the theoretical things beyond and beside (both left and right) of it, not to mention above and below. north, south, east west. heaven, hell, conservative, liberal.
i go on the computer too much. i might limit myself in the summer, but i might not. sometimes it is the only way to contact some of my friends! lame i think, but oh well. better than the stupid phone. take this weekend. swing dancing. i am so up for just doing it and having a good time. but my frrrriends, different story. not everyone wants to do what i do, i know that. but someone? anyone?
i've been a little bit good at ticking people off lately, and it comes from inside myself. it's my problem, not theirs. that's hard to say. anyway.
i want to be so vibrant about life. i mean holy cow, we're living. it's awesome. we're here and we can do stuff and be stuff and be around each other. i'm not always like this.
i want to kiss a boy. a soft mouth up against my own. i am not writing this because it is slightly creepy, but because it's my damn journal and i can. i waaaant to kiss a boy, i miss that! damnit james. and even at the end of my last relationship, when the feelings were bad, the kisses were still good. a sweet, minty mouth. like yum. :) but can't have a kiss without the relationship! and the relationship is very difficult to get and then you have to have it and ugggh maybe i don't want it right now. i don't know. i'm being dumb. i need to have good feelings. yea, this moment.
i ran to the track. i past the house we ran in front of last august on the way. i giggled to myself. last night was hard. but i was with two of the best people i know or have ever met. when i ran today, i didn't think much. it was most excellent. my heart was awesome, beating as it did. i let my hair flow behind me and raindrops sprinkled on me from the sky, landing on my face as i laid in the grass afterward and i scrunched up my nose and looked at the light grey clouds spread across the sky like god spread out some frosting. not very sweet though.
job defied both satan and god. that is marvelous and beyond comprehension in some ways. defying both.
i am going to go work on a project for silence for english class. i promise when i stand in front of the class tomorrow that i won't act all pretentious and like i know it all, because i knowww i don't! but i will be all impromptu-ish and try to engage the audience in a discussion on narrative structure! yay!
there isn't anything to "get." "do you get it?" apply it to life in general. do you get it? sure you do, you do. there isn't anything to get, about any of it. you have it.
leesah-likes at 9:14 p.m.