2005-04-24
tired tried
i don't want to go to bed and dream that again when i know it won't be reciprocated. it's too scary and now very wrong. i can't tell you how good it feels to have your hips pressed up against mine so firm and close. our skin has that feeling again of perfect collaboration when brushed up against each other's and our mouths are smoothly and softly bound and the sensory neurons are zapping. and then i wake up and sit there and close my eyes breathing in and out like we used to and i pretend you were really there too, and that the pure joy you gave to me was real and it has not left us. i have never destroyed something beautiful, but these dreams are torn apart on my bedroom floor as they jab at my tender heart and how it all means nothing. yet it does me something. but only to me. you close your eyes and dream of something else, something you will never have instead of something you had. now you are them, on the outside, another person who only gets a glimpse in by reading this, which is a poor substitute, one that you probably neglect due to disinterest. no longer knowing the secrets of my smile or why my eyes change colors or the taste of my neck, and not caring to. my sleep calls to me, you may be there, but more absent than ever before.
leesah-likes at 11:26 p.m.