2004-11-28
what a waste
time was made to be wasted.
it's just an english paper. in the grand spectrum of things, it doesn't even matter, not at all. you know the truth, don't doubt yourself.
when i gave an impromptu speech on friday, it was right after sean had done his. in his preview, he had said "let's take a step back.." for some reason, when i got up there right after him to do mine, i used that phrase. it seriously bothered me. i hate copying other people. once in third grade we made spiders out of these foamy balls, pipe cleaners, and egg cartons. amy made hers look just like mine. it really bothered me and i stayed in all during afternoon recess pouting and finding ways to make mine different. i used a marker to give it freckles on its face. i took the pipe cleaner legs and bent them in weird ways. this all means nothing. it's just one of those things that i remember from when i was little, and it's loosely relevant to this subject i am currently discussing so it seemed like fun to mention it.
sleeping really isn't that bad. i manage. before i lose consciousness, that time can actually be seen as a peaceful treat. so serene, and exactly what i want it to be.
tone is dumb. i'm trying to decipher steinbeck's for my project and i'm having a tough time with it. he's objective, yet sentimental. sort of like myself, if i dare to make that comparison. maybe tone is dumb, too.
i don't care much for mondays, but tomorrow will be good. i will get to see the people i care about that i haven't seen nearly as often as I should like. I get to turn in this blasted paper since i'm finally (woohoo!) done with it. one of these days i'll write a journal entry based upon paraphrases and complete with parenthetical citations. it'll be funny.
oh another thing about wasting time. it's dumb too. like when i'm trying to sleep in that wretch-ed day inbetween speech meets and i tell myself "oh i really need to sleep, i'm never going to get to sleep, oh just stop thinking and sleep already.." etc. wasting time is the same way. i know i'm doing it. that's ok. waste is a form of value. take chocolate. we like it enough to sometimes no completely scrounge on it all, maybe not afraid to throw away a piece if we just don't feel like finishing it. OK, this is a bad example, but I know what i mean and perhaps that's what it's all about.
it's ten after by now. i'm going to go read totc, and then i'll pretend to sleep. monday, tomorrow, peace well.
leesah-likes at 11:00 p.m.