2004-06-18
the bad life
I want to do something with life that makes me forget everything I know about myself. All of my clumsy and bashful and laughable ways. And where I am. This is a good place, but why be here when you can be somewhere else (that's not really a question).
This adolesence is like a waiting room to life. Real life. Where there aren't six classes today in a building filled with people you feel you can't relate to. And where summer isn't filled with just hope.
At Julian's house once, we all played this game called Risk. I won, that was pretty cool. But afterward, Julian's grandmother came over. He told us before that she is senile and asked us not to laugh at her. She is good at the piano and quite an intelligent, well-traveled woman. Maybe some day I will be like her.
She came up to be later and spoke. Maybe I'll never forget this, and it will be for no apparent reason.
"Don't go with Italians," she told me. "Find a nice French man. They will treat you right. Live in Paris. Lead the bad life. You're good looking, go on stage. Perform and lead the bad life."
Lead the bad life. I'm not sure what that means or why I want to do this either. But I don't like French men. I like what she says though.
Lead the bad life. I'd like to lead any life at all.
leesah-likes at 8:26 p.m.