2004-05-23
a line from the card
she ran to the door, i saw her through the window. koko was sitting there yapping at me. he is so cute. like pancho, his elder who used to snore while we slept in that guest room. she saw me, did her signature squeal, and squeezed me. here she was, groggy in her jammies, but just as prettyful as ever. skinny little silly girl. she let me in, it was a little odd. i tried to avoid that. showed me her new puppies, named after a movie. they were so cute. all she could take care of any more i guess, not even herself.
i listened to her tell me how crazy her mom is an that she and rachelle are the same and all this stuff i did not want to hear.
she showed me her room where she had written a line from the card i sent her on her ceiling. something about not drowning yourself in misery or pain. she said her mom tells people she cuts herself. self-inflicted pain to ease suffering. i don't understand i look in her parents bedroom and it seems so normal, her school picture proudly hanging on the wall. that was the amy i remember.
she wanted to make plans for next weekend. said no lindsy and i don't see each other my mom told tricia bad stuff about me. i'm not going anywhere this summer yeah let's do something for fourth of july. oh lisa i was just telling my dad at dinner last night how much i miss you.
we both agreed that we haven't laughed the way we make each other laugh in a long long time. then i left.
at home ben told me how amy relapsed yesterday. her mom spoke truths not so crazy but never admit this never. not so. my heart sunk like the fucking titanic but not so dramatic that's not me maybe just some gay little fishing boat. amy you can't do this amy. hate you rachelle screw you and your ged amy you were suspended? i know a kid like you here i actually compared amy to jacob. is he cute? no not really, hated that question.
amy get help listen to me i don't see how we're still friend i am strong childhood bonds but what the fuck is this? i would weep for you if i wasn't so self-centered myself please go to therapy or something no never admit your mother is right but damnit do something okay?
i have your picture with her eyes red that fucking look on your face like you know you are drowning in that misery please screw the substances remember that time we laughed so hard it hurt? that was every time amy get help amy i love you amy.
leesah-likes at 10:28 p.m.