2010-09-26
attraction list
I'm beginning to understand more about the rational components that determine if I like a guy. There are always those extraneous elements that can't be articulated or justified, but I'm discovering that there are a couple things that I can pretty much consistently say about the type of person to whom I am attracted.
Here are three factors I can think of right now. A guy, generally for me to be attracted to him, typically always fulfills at least two of these three factors, preferably all three of course, but no less than two.
-one is physical attraction. This is perhaps the most unpredictable and inconsistent of the three factors, because it is entirely subjective. There's basic details that I can begin to generalize- I'm typically most attracted to guys who have some height on me, a good four inches at least. I also am unattracted to hands that are too delicate or feminine, or also too stubby (but, I mean, they're just hands I guess). I like men with lower voices, a baritone probably, not like way deep, but masculine-sounding, not a tenor. I also like a certain style of clothes on a man: no jewelry/piercings or tattoos, basic crisp clothes in neutral colors, not too loose or too tight, just fitted. Dark jeans or worn-in khakis, simple sneakers. Outdoor and athletic clothes can be good too, it depends.
But besides these details, it's more visceral, immediate stuff that grabs me- his gaze, his tone, gestures, just abstract demeanor stuff, someone's "air." This sort of idea, the way that someone "carries themself," transitions well to another factor:
-a sense of humor. I am attracted to guys who can make me laugh because they point out the truth in things in unexpected and amusing ways. Sometimes it's mockery or sarcasm or just plain silliness, but the humor is key, because it isn't just a collection of jokes, it's a perspective through which someone sees the world, if they can keenly note the status quo, the accepted state of affairs and the supposed norm, and then can adapt and warp that norm with refreshing and insightful commentary, that's what's best. There are different breeds of humor that I favor- usually not too dry, but occasionally so, with impeccable timing and delivery, where it's just subtle enough. I prefer humors that aren't quite so loud or obnoxious or attention-grabbing, and also ones where the guy thinks he's funny and will not only tell jokes, but happily and willingly laugh at some of his own as well as other peoples'. I want someone who can make fun of themselves, their foibles and inconsistencies, their pretension, their own obliviousness. It demonstrates a sense of self-awareness that particularly appeals to me.
-then, there is the aesthetic factor. Do we have common preferences when it comes to music, art, nature, philosophy, politics? This might seem like the "junk drawer" factor, but what it really is, is the stuff that is more "on paper" and technical than the other two factors. Like, I could probably know if I was attracted to someone according to this factor before I even knew them, if you let me browse their ipod and see a list of their favorite movies, or the decorations in their room, the books on their shelves, if you told me how often they went to parks and museums, if you told me their political preferences. So, aesthetics are more specific. I would prefer someone who likes the same kind of artsy, surfer/punk indie music that I do, that likes movies that are a little off-the beaten path (like not huge blockbusters, although some are good and not to be avoided because of some stubborn, assinine principle), someone who appreciates art and nature, someone who is liberal when it comes to political and social issues (I'm not going to date someone who has problems accepting homosexuality, or who goes to church on a regular basis, or doesn't believe in evolution). The art and nature part of this factor are the most important, along with the political/social stance, and I would say that these aesthetic details facilitate (or at least lend themselves) toward a certain type of mindset as well- someone who likes these sorts of these things would probably find inspiration in them, and might be a kindred spirit with me when it comes to the more abstract, vague qualities I prefer regarding romance, poetics, philosophy and spirituality, stuff like that.
So those are the three things, and I am nearly always attracted to someone if they fulfill at least two of them. I think I could sacrifice the first one, because I'd like to believe that physical attraction can blossom over time (especially if the other two factors are really well fulfilled), but I think it might actually be non-negotiable. But I'm really not sure, and I'm open to being wrong about that.
And besides those things... I want someone who is honest, and I think I want someone who is relatively innocent (since I seem to be really innocent from what I can tell; I don't think I'll ever escape my purity and naivete--they seem endemic in my conscientiousness), or at least someone with a good heart, who doesn't deceive to manipulate, and wouldn't ever really think to do that anyway. Oh and intelligence-- I don't know if I am prepared to date someone less intelligent than me, or at least someone who has less education or a less prestigious job. That sounds close-minded, but it is accurate, I can tell from my interactions with people that this is the case for me right now.
So that's it. And I think it's good to figure some of this out, because it's a reflect on my growth and ability to better understand what attracts me, and by extension more about myself and what I'm currently desiring and think is most beneficial/complementary to me. I feel fine about this list, it's not like I'm committing myself to it, and I'm open to being surprised and wrong about it, but it's how I feel right now. If I meet someone who satisfies this stuff and wants to be with me, I'll be happy... but I'm also happy anyway. :)
leesah-likes at 11:54 p.m.