2010-10-29
undulation
I haven�t really written about this yet. I�ve spent many words on the sweet dream of someone else, but always seem to have little to say about the actualization of it. Maybe this is because I don�t want to jinx it, or gush, or brag, or come off as obnoxious to myself when I read my own words. Plus, it feels like there is so much more to say about the yearning phase, the vibrant desire prior to any attainment. What to say now? To gloat to myself, to bask in my good fortune? I got what I wanted. And it is enduring. I�ll probably write about it someday, once it�s been processed some more. It�s all still unfolding, but it�s cool how it came together, and how it�s developing over time. I do feel grateful, but I mostly just feel happy, and want to enjoy myself. That might be another part of why I�ve eschewed chronicling it�because I�d rather just live it instead of trying to recreate it and try to find the right ways to express and infuse it with meaning. There is a lot of meaning there, but it kind of just comes with the territory, gets caught up in the riptide with the rest of the swell, without us even trying. Everything�s there, without us even trying, effortlessly tumbling along in the vibrant swirl of our frothy, undulating wave.
Romantically she decided that love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack, not the contentment. Love was the ache, the anticipation, the retreat, everything around it but the emotion itself. - Kiran Desai
leesah-likes at 12:07 a.m.