2010-05-24
words by v.a. shoffstall
"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn�t mean leaning and company doesn�t mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren�t contracts and presents aren�t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow�s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure� that you really are strong, and you really do have worth. And you learn and you learn."
We are inching closer to the end now. In two weeks, a completely different world, one that vaguely will resemble this one, but have important differences. Just two weeks. But that still feels like forever. What all do I have to do before then? A lot, it would seem. Pack everything, a huge CS project, two exams. Say goodbyes and prepare myself. It's a lot. It sounds exhausting, and I just want it to be done. This phase, this last bit of this last trimester, it just feels like I'm dwelling, like we're all stalling the inevitable. I am sick of shifting my feet back and forth. I want to go. And then when I go swiftly, I can look back and feel the pang of loss, feel the sorrows of the goodbyes. But I swear I'm ready, right now.
leesah-likes at 12:28 a.m.