2008-12-30
in-timid-acy
"...it is an enriching or debasing experience depending on the capacities of each lover to allow the immersion of the self in the new entity created by their union, while simultaneously not being engulfed by it. This is a balance rarely if ever achieved by lovers, but nonetheless well worth striving for..."
Pete's making the sun come up. I'm not afraid, I'm not even worried, but some part of me, a muted fifty miles away, has the vague notion that I should probably try to be a little realistic and careful with myself.
"I'm getting in too deep," I murmur, pretending to myself to be reasonable.
"No," he says, with plain certainty, "It's just right."
And it was then, but then it wasn't.
I hold such anger and gratitude toward you, all at once. I hate how you shattered us, how you killed it, stifled it, marred it. There was no faint heartbeat left, no final flickers of life remaining. You didn�t just end it, you expelled it. It hurt so bad to see it completely extinguished, without a trace of possibility left. Yet, having no trace forced me to leave it behind, as you so clearly did. And even with my pain, I am also so glad. The shards left were so tiny that I couldn�t nestle them, couldn�t cradle them with hope, couldn�t sentimentally sigh to think that what has happened once could happen again. You destroyed the evidence and therefore obliterated my chances of holding on, wasting time, waiting in vain, with prolonged pain. You might have murdered my hope, but it needed to die.
leesah-likes at 12:40 a.m.