2008-10-03
the plain of existence
Sometimes I get like this�I feel so underwhelmed that it�s overwhelming. And if anyone approached me about it- not that anyone would (not being self-victimizing here, just realistic)- anything I could begin to say would just sound really contrived, trite, and melodramatic. Hence the paltry catharsis that manifests itself in a blog post, of all things.
This life of mine right now is lending itself to a peculiar motif- one that aligns with its very location, when I, as an outsider, stereotype Minnesota. I feel like the Midwest itself: simple, friendly, earnest, and bland. A well-meaning, vanilla flavored existence. And my emotional pangs are just as inconsequential as those observed in these modest hills and dips- trivial oscillations of inadequacy and desire. The peaks and troughs always diffuse into a placid plain of reason. The land may possess certain stability in its uniformity, but it is nonetheless flat, limp, stale.
In such a state, strong capricious pangs of vague insufficiency and longings for abstract ideas surpass self-drama and go to a bigger hill, alas a mountain, known as melodrama.
Melodrama is like your standard drama in that it deals with vivid, emotional, striking events, but it forgoes any necessary cause and effect laws, and seems to encourage exaggeration. My mountain is tall, snowy, and flickering in and out of existence so I can�t confirm its reality. Complacency washes it out. So I wax philosophical, feign profundity. In class we�re reading about Aristotle�s classifications of virtue. My dreams are superficial and anxious. I�m good at correlation coefficients, but not at talking about myself. I should run even more than I do.
We�re all tiny universes with tiny orbits, tight spindles wound up around ourselves.
And I kind of feel like I�m coming a little undone.
leesah-likes at 5:19 p.m.