2008-04-08
define this
I've been looking up some words in dictionaries to describe how I feel.
This is what my heart and soul have resorted to.
Indignance is righteous anger.
Righteousness is characterized by or proceeding from accepted standards of morality.
Morality is concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong.
This is not fair. (Fairness is consistency with logic and justice.) See Lisa, he would say, you are imposing your morals, your idea of right and wrong, onto me, instead of appreciating and respecting that I have my own morals. Your anger is unfounded, your anger is unnecessary; anger is always unnecessary.
It makes me cringe my teeth, grind my nails into my palms as I hold my hands in tight fists, shake my head "indignantly." I am human, I err, I know it, I do it anyway.
I fault, I sin, I falter, I lie, I hate, I absorb this world into myself and process it with a dogged bias before I act in any way.
I'm flesh. "To err is human, but it feels divine." Yes Mae West.
My sins, that's what Jesus is for, the one you logically, rationally, soundly don't believe in.
You're trying to unravel your mangled ball of yarn and hang it up on a clothespin line. You do it with precision, efficiency, determination.
But what the hell is it doing up there, not letting itself be left to the playful mercy and trick of the cat, the fate the sublime the irrational the parts that you can't fathom no matter what kind of systematic deduction you impose.
I'm angry and it's unjust. And I don't care.
leesah-likes at 11:04 a.m.