2007-08-05
longing
I�m lying belly up
On my plastic mattress of a bed
Which is actually more comfortable
Than mine at school.
My brother�s music
Is infusing my ears,
Melancholy rifts seeping through.
And I am still, I lay there.
It�s a solitary moment of silence,
Of blankness and clarity.
In the quietude
My mind becomes awash,
Thinking of people, souls I�ve met.
The crooning words of the song
Seem to articulate it
In a calculated, over-simplified way:
�I miss you more than I knew.�
My mind and chest are ablaze,
burning through thoughts of
The absent identities I long for.
But like a fire,
I am left with nothing here.
Just the ashes of memory.
The drop forms before I can realize it,
And slithers down my face,
A warm stream that slides upon my skin,
An underwhelming, moist trail of yearning.
Yes, I am reduced to tears,
Because I don�t know how else
To say it or think it.
And I am holding myself,
In my own arms, me against me.
I gather me tighter, a lone embrace.
�Miss� is a janus word, you know;
It has two meanings, which are virtually opposites.
It is to leave unnoticed,
as if to forget: �to miss.�
Yet it also meanings to long for,
with fond remembrance: �to miss.�
I�ve employed both meanings this summer-
The former during my hours on the job,
And during my time off
When I scrambled for something busy
To fill my emptiness.
Now I am wading,
In the water of my tears, in the latter.
The song continues, I�m sure,
But all I can sense
Is the dull pain of longing
And my arms around my self.
leesah-likes at 12:27 a.m.