2007-03-12
changes
Something about finals week makes me sloppily emotional in my mind. I remember this happened last term too, I just end up thinking and feeling all this stuff at once. The human experience especially starts to enthrall me when I have all of this work to do. I am handling it O.K. Listening to a lot of music.
And thinking about things back home that make me happy. The intersection between highway 93 and Idaho Street- which is ususally very busy- in the middle of the night, so late that there is no traffic. And the streets are shiny black wet from a rain pouring. The great grass of Lawrence Park. I honestly am glad I'll get to see my family again and stuff and hopefully some friends, but I'm just thinking about the place. I want to bask in it.
I want to be encased by mountains again, and walk downtown, and go to the parks where I wasted away my time in the sun all summer long as my skin warmed to it.. so very different from here. I want to reclaim some sense of independence and identity that fades a little here after ten weeks.
I'm ready to escape some of the trifles of college, too. I want to see the real social world with wrinkly old people and little kids, and cars, and less substance abuse and obnoxious people. Kalispell, I'm on my way.
Things are going to change next term. I'm going to take better care of myself, be outside more, and remember to seek out what I want for me, what I can control and make better for myself and those I care about.
Here we get some Mr. Bowie. Pretty much because this song has been stuck in my head all day, but also because I appreciate the chameleonic nature of the lyrics. (?)
Still dont know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets and
Every time I thought Id got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But Ive never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
Im much too fast to take that testCh-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Dont want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I cant trace timeI watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days float through my eyes
But stil the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
Theyre quite aware of what theyre going throughCh-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Dont tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Wheres your shame
Youve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you cant trace timeStrange fascination, fascinating me
Ah changes are taking the pace Im going throughCh-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Oh, look out you rock n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now youre gonna get a little olderTime may change me
But I cant trace time
I said that time may change me
But I cant trace time
leesah-likes at 12:27 a.m.