2006-08-08
amazing grace
i want to live with grace. i yearn for it, some evanescent concept to exist in the most composed and beautiful way that is natural. grace involves divine influence and an elegance beyond expression. grace does not shout or stomp. grace does not know pride*. it lives and lets live with a gliding serenity that seems so elusive and exquisite. this is what i want. i know now; i know what i want. i yearn for grace.
*
Look out how you use proud words.
When you let proud words go, it is
not easy to call them back.
They wear long boots, hard boots; they
walk off proud; they can't hear you calling�
Look out how you use proud words.
-Carl Sandburg
i also wish for grace in a more literal term, in the form of my young cousin. she is two, and she is so beautiful. this song is about her (i found it), and she can sweetly murmur the words. gracie loves the moon as much as i do, and she already naturally says 'thanks' to any compliments and loves to occasionally and randomly kiss the people she loves. i want grace.
august frightens me a little. it is a catalyst by its very nature, and stuff feels like it's shifting. i'm still not ready yet. i'm really not. something in my heart isn't settled. i feel like i need more strength. the sky has been brewing tonight, and it's a little how i feel inside (and i don't mean indigestion). i'm not sure how i can feel, and i sense constraint. i can't get much less abstract than that.
while listening to the jazz band, i had to tug vera away as i glimpsed to the sky. we rushed to it to discover the heavens to be a massive, illuminated rice cake. the clouds had swiftly formed into popcorn kernels, heavy and whipped. the descending sun made them shine in a way that invigorated all the colours of the world beneath. vera's shirt was a bright canary. the pigments of my skin were beaming as if softly radiating outward the hues it contained within. i saw vivid neon lights. brilliant leaves and grass in a green so true. and the sky to the beloved west was smeared with pink. i can't get over the sky. the sky IS graceful.
there is thunder outside. i saw katy today and it made me chipper. i love ben. i admire amelia. my roommate rocks. i miss adam. i need to see lizz. i want to see vinnie but doubt that's mutual. i like michael. i love my julian. i want to see sean. all these people swarming in my mind. a hive, or something. i like bees.
i wonder what happens next. i know i can not rightfully force any grace. but i do have a hankering for its wielded presence in my life.
i hear the rain drops outside like a peaceful hiss. it's getting late and closer to slumber. i hope my dreams elevate me; we could all use a lift. goodness gracious, i'll go to bed.
leesah-likes at 11:38 p.m.