2005-11-14
doing bath homework
The last thing that I do is unhook my bra from the behind. My feet go in first, and the toes are sensitive to the hot water. As I sink down, my body accepts the heat. The water refracts. The way I am leaning on my back and the tub provides me with a full view of my body. No one but me every sees it like this. My shape is all in view beneath the water. I recognize it as me, and think about how odd and how beautiful it is. In some ways, I do not even know my own body that well. It is smooth and unmarked, it curves everywhere. It does not look just like the magazine models' bodies, but I know that it is still nice-looking if I am objective about it and don't allow my own eyes to magnify all my flaws. As I slip downward, the water floods up to my chest as I watch it surround me while I recline, unable for all my body to be submerged. I know that all I see is neglected, but not in some victimizing way. I lay there and let it all sink in, the warmth infusing my skin. This is what I need. Just let it all sink in. I wait, and I look at my body some more. It does not look bad. I slip my hands downward. I wish you were here. The water engulfs me up to my clavicles, but I am still not all under. And my head is completely separate. I feel soft, but firm. I release the tub stopper with my toes. I kneel there in the empty tub after all the water is drained, I look down at myself again and think about the body, how it is and what it wants. I step out and my skin gleams with the moisture, my shoulders especially. I glance in the mirror- my wet hair hangs long behind me, pasted to my back. I can see that my eyes are green. My skin still has a shade from the summer's tan, a few areas left milky white as were never exposed. Then I reach for the towel.
leesah-likes at 9:47 p.m.