2005-10-23
able moment
I'm a war of head versus heart,
And it's always this way.
My head is weak, my heart always speaks,
Before I know what it will say.
Isn't it just the best feeling when you can't wait to see someone?!
I LOVE anticipation. I love feeling giddy and eager and just waiting, waiting to be with one certain person. When will they come?! When will I see them next?! I just can't stop thinking about it every few minutes, waiting!
...Um, I haven't that way in a long time. But I can still appreciate the feeling when I think about it and how it truly feels on the inside, this sense of my insides rising. It's pretty darn special.
I went to Lonepine with Lizz and we looked out upon the view of Kalispell. I put my hands up to my mouth and whispered out to the abyss, �I love you... I accept you as you are... I like you...� I thought it was funny now, and at the time, but I know I meant it in a really caseic way.
I'm afraid of asking for too much. And I probably do.
I don't know what to think of this life. I stared at my shower knob today while I took a bath and I thought about how there is more beyond this reality, my reality.
I thought of trying to be constantly aware and appreciative and respectful, and how that's of course not possible, so where and how to draw the line to seek out the important balance.
I thought about not thinking, about not being �..borne back ceaselessly into the past (Fitzgerald 189).� Yeeeah, you can hate me for doing that.
I also thought about looking ahead, as I drift into slumber with sweet, sweet dreams in my pretty little head. Not sweet in an overloaded sugar sort of way, but sweet like the most savory, precious and tiny taste of something deliciously simple and pure. Yumm.
Being human is beautiful. There are oodles of opportunities to create whatever you desire to make. Or at least to try to.
We can't do anything, but we can try to do anything.
You can try anything! It's empowering!
I can try to do MPA. Taha.
I can try to get into those really difficult Chicago schools.
I can try to get bucketloads of scholarships
I can try to seek out those life balances
I can try to find a cutie pie (errrugghhh...)
...all in due time!
I can try all these things.
Life blends. It really does. The varying shades and tones bleed into one another, creating elusive transitions. The time changes so subtly. It's almost November. The leaves are nearly gone. And the days, how quickly and silently they slip away into the darkness. A tournament, dance, and a handful of tests lay behind, with a blank (hopefully just pleasantly �blank,� not formulaic �fill-in-the-blank�) future coming up next. People morph as well as our characters change based on experiences. We alter ever so slightly, becoming more even it's by becoming less of something else. Shifts are constantly occuring all around us, consummating our worlds to more with every passing moment.
Make something of this one.
...Or try to.
leesah-likes at 6:56 p.m.