2005-09-26
proseish
red letters of the clock
they are bright but do not glow
sigh to self
whatever happened to
driving to the sunset?
you could ask that
about so many things.
Gatsby says we are borne ceaselessly into the past
Bowen adds that what we yearn for what is already behind us
as if we are beyond.
and yet we row on.
vera adds that we are left to the mercy of the sea
and i wonder how green the green light was,
and i know it couldn�t have been any other color.
i constantly want to be better.
make me more.
i think lidstrom sees it. she is understanding.
i am so glad i am a receptionist rather than a rigorous scholar
at least for now.
smile, he says,
not as a command but a suggestion
he is so tubby and stalky
as she is in the background
trying to make me do so.
i want to look so real,
so real as i feel.
we�re all real.
if only we could better show it.
i�m not vulnerable.
and i�m really really not that whimsy.
it was kind of him to say yes.
leaves by my hair; wind; still.
soy enferma, she says, pointing to herself.
�i�m a sicko, it�s part of my essence.�
what to write about homecoming?
we came home.
those roses were put in woodchips for a purpose
i try to let my stare penetrate
to assure and confirm
what i think i feel inside.
most are neutral. some are hot; some cold. like the two-dimensional diamond shape. i�m cold right now. well, i am cold in the sense that warm is hot. hapless; hopeless? mwaha. whenever i see your smiling face, i have to smile myself because i love you!
create opportunities?! what the hell?!
what we want is behind us.
gatsby could have gone for something new
and new can be better
because all the betters that we identify were once new.
we must welcome change.
in fact, we must create it.
seeking implies looking.
--god why aren�t i studying for the sat�s right now?!--
when will be the next time
i know
that there are better questions to ask
and better things to seek.
curve of sides
warm smooth soft
know for yourself.
and know thyself.
inset eyes bring comfort
of consistency
and what�s real.
it IS real.
i hope he does make me a copy.
you die when your dreams do.
keep dreaming.
leesah-likes at 6:47 p.m.