2005-09-19
left to the mercy of the sea
I took a walk in solitude. I went to Rawson Field, Legend Stadium, whatever they are calling it these days. The sky was still bright, but not in a sunny way. I left when I didn�t feel alone anymore.
There is a line from a song that applies well to my life, a lot of the time. I think about it. It�s from Third Eye Blind, a group I used to listen to back in 6/7th grade.
I�ve never felt so alone,
and I�ve
Never felt so alive.
Leaves are changing colors. It�s beautiful. This season is so earnest and willing. Yeah, leave it to me to personify the weather. The foliage allows its chlorophyll to be depleted, and we are left (yes, not right) with this wondermous sight for our eyes. I like the change. I like that the leaves are willing to accept it, and that they adapt in such an astounding way. Here�s to autumn.
The sunrise was awesome this morning. I could tell. Someday, I will drive to it before school starts.
But first I have to get my oil changed.
People sort of overwhelm me. I want to immerse myself in so much of them, and it�s just not possible.
Second period, nine minutes from the bell. Lidstrom wants my calculator lab. I scramble in my locker looking for it, recalling I give it to Petie to look at. I�m going through her binder (and not feeling bad about it, not really, for heavens sake it�s a math binder), and I look up and see a hippo. It is purple, as the best hippos are. It hanging on the locker hook, and is smiling. Amidst looking, I stopped and picked it up, but it on hand (it is a bath puppet thing). This moment made me happy.
Doing badly on my history �quizzam� did not.
Trying to develop a romantic crush is hard. I realize that something in my life would have to change to allow for it. There would have to be time to fit in a new relationship that would require (although it would best be willing and voluntary, it�s weird to think of it in those terms) attention, time, and thought. I wouldn�t see people like Julian as often, and I think I might talk to Petie less. It�s weird to gauge such a vast hypothetical like this in the first place. I�m just saying that something would have to change, and I�m not sure my life is a position to be messed with right now.
hey you... yeah, you. don�t mess with my life.
actually.. please do. mess with it wonderfully. get me all screwed up in all the best ways, let me forget who i am and let you remember for me, and love me for it. feel your heart pound at my sight and be so earnest that i will melt in complete adoration. pulses and all. mess me up so bad, i can handle it, hell, i welcome it. i want it messy.
ahherm, excuse me. i think i got something stuck in my throat, it�s called stupidgirlromanticwhimness. but it�s really not that stupid, it�s just... me-ness.
...and we press on.
leesah-likes at 9:28 p.m.