2005-08-26
a gabled clark, redux
camping is good because it reminds me not to take faucets for granted. they are good things, running water and such. camping is peculiar because it eliminates convenience. huh.
i want so badly to believe
that there is truth and love is real
and i want life in every word
to the extend that it's absurd.
i love the ocean. i love the foam churned up by the waves that dissipates as it spreads over my feet. looking ahead and seeing nothing. the future is blank, it is whatever.
my future is so different from that.
i used to win lots of coloring contests when i was younger. we used to come up here for shopping at the mall and such sometimes, an hour drive up from polson during my youth. well my mom was shopping at the kids herberger's store for clothes for me once when i was five and i sat and waited for her. they had crayons and stuff so i colored a picture, and we entered it in their coloring contest. and GUESS WHAT, I WON. I WON A COLORING CONTEST IN THIS TOWN BEFORE I EVEN LIVED HERE. awesome.
how many different types of pasta can you possibly thing of? generic spaghetti, fettucini, linguini, angel hair, bowtie, ravioli, shell, tortolini, penne...?
so many types. one for every one.
smell my chemicals. they smell good.
i wish i was belle.
i'm too tired for this. if only live were a musical. i would be softly singing a ballad right now (off-key, of course).
lies are so tiny and hidden. they are weaved through the circumstances, the facts, the smallest mere decisions we have made in our lives. they crouch, yet exist. the lies, we hold them within us whether we are aware of their presence or not. we could be lying to ourselves every day, even right now. we nestle, embrace and grasp these untruths in our lives, wishing they are real and true, or at least whatever it is that we think them to be. we do not want to be wrong, mistaken. or discovered. we must believe. i will certainly try.
i fear i lie to myself. that's why i mention that at all. i fear i am measly. so trivial, wishy-washy, sputtering. i fear, but i'm not afraid.
i'm okay. we all essentially are.
it's late. i'm tired. excuse me. i've learned latenight entries aren't always the best idea, especially when people may read them and consider them.
i love you. as long as you don't doubt that, we're okay. the identity is broad, but the term is specific. i appreciate your existence. thanks for being.
i'll go sleep now. sweet, soporiffic dreams. i might try to fantasize, but i really suck at that. i could think and reflect upon the day. my body will be warm and covered in the down blanket that surrounds it, head resting upon two pillows. the window will be open, and i will think random things about griffins, oppenheimer, theasauruses (theasauri?!), and pizzadogs. then my subconscious will take over, and all these streams of contemplation will be washed away. good tonight.
leesah-likes at 11:38 p.m.