2005-07-24
convo II
another latenite convo worthy of saving, at least for now.
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
are you there? up so late? no?
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
yeah im here
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
how was rockclimbing? talk to amelia today? i didn't
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
i did for a short wile
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
while*
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
and it was alright
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
while i was gone the dean of admissions from west piont called
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
so that was cool
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
how's your day been?
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
work. and i layed in the sun. the heat feels so good, it's not about a tan, really. it's summer, andwe don't always see a lot of sunshine here, so i enjoy it while i can.
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
we see sunshine here...all the time
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
wish it'd be darker
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
but then people always wish for what they dont have
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
it's true. you always want what you can't have. i define being "in love" as directly defying this mindset in life.
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
yep
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
sounds about right...what happened between you and vinnie?
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
jon it's really not worth talking about. i have not shown a respectable amount of interest in your issues, i feel bad if you try to do so in mine. it's been months now anyway.
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
you dont need to feel bad, we didnt exactly start out well...and time doesnt seem to matter an incredible amount when this happens...but if you dont want to talk about it that's ok
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
are you doing ok with how things up there are between you two at least?
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
me and vinnie? no. not really. things are bad. he thinks i am repulsive, and all our friends say i have give him no reason to. i think it makes it easier for him to cope with the guilt and such. he blocked me online and won't even give me the opportunity to try to be friends and mend it a bit, at least for the sake of our friends.
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
did you think about amelia today.. and how much??
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
i try not to think about her...it usually only brings on depressed feelings...ive been hanging out with my friends as much as possible, keeping my mind off things. i thought about her only a few times...we're having more productive conversations now too...i know that it will never be the same between us again though
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
that's a pretty hopeless thought-- you KNOW? don't you want it to be the same, in some ways? and i mean, time will tell, you really can't say.
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
so you've been good at not thinking about her?
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
i want things to be the same...and maybe they will...i cant currently begin to imagine what it will take for that though...and ive been better about not thinking about her. only things very closely related to us remind me of her now, but when i think about it i get very depressed and people start to notice...it could be compared to being manic depressive with how fast it can happen
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
doyou feel good about the amount you think of her? it's important. do you think of her less than you perhaps should/want to and then feel guilty because she thinks ofyou more, or do you worry that you think of her too much and it's holding you back...?
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
right now i suprisingly believe i think about her the right amount...how bout you with vinnie?
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
that's really good to hear. hopefully it is somewhat settling to feel good about it. i dont' know.. i catch myself NOT thinking about him, ironically, like hey, i wasn't just thinking of him (even if i hadn't been for a long while), and then some of the memories seep (not flood) back and i remember how awesome it was and feel sadness that i can't talk to him.
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
i am quite nostalgic and sentimental. are you?
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
i try not to be nostalgic so much with this...
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
sometimes when i do think about the past with her though, it becomes incredible sentimental. others it seems as if all the times her and i shared were fake and mocked by what she did...
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
very mixed feelings on it
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
in my opinion, you shouldn't let it do that. when she said "i love you" in the past, when it was incredible, how you remember it, she truly meant it. the future cannot negate the past like that. at least i dont' think so.
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
it wouldnt normally...she's said so many things since then, however, that mock what we had. she doesnt do that anymore and she didnt mean to then.
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
she was probably speaking in desperation. that is understandable.
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
yes...but at the time it only made things worse...this all began happening shortly after i had realized she lied to me and told me that she was afraid of losing me...i knew that and everthing else she said was out of desperation...i saw it only as her lieing more to me
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
which she was...
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
i didnt care about the motivation behind that, i did not want to be lied to anymore
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
i hate that about dishonesty. how the hell are you supposed to know that is/was real or not?! it's not fair. then you have to question everything, everything. and you, by your nature and the way you are (i never said this was wrong, dont' get all defensive again) do not give this the benefit of the doubt. it SUCKS! lying sucks. if they really care that much,
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
they should just tell the truth. the wya they do it, it's not US they care about, it's THEM.
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
lying makes it easier.. for them.
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
that's what i told her
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
i told her how incredibly selfish it was of her to do that...how everything she was doing was selfish
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
and then, after all she'd done, she argued with me on her being selfish
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
i finally got through to her and, for the first time, heard a true apology...
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
for everything. she also called herself a few names...not in a way that she was looking to be corrected...more like she actually knew it was true
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
it's all just very sad. it's sad ot think she was setting herself up for this, too.
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
i am sorry it all happened. she would take it back if she should, that's the bittersweet worst part.
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
exactly...
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
we're going to petie's bday party tomorrow. she'll be there, any messages for me to relay???
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
no...i like to say things directly to people if possible...
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
yeah. i just found it amusing and somewhat to my surprise that you and i had a substantial conversation
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
i know what you mean
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
well, bye then. talk to you later. stay good about stuff, and have fun.
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
same
- � - � - John - � - � - says:
peace and such
the best thing about pain is that it leaves. says:
bye.
leesah-likes at 1:27 a.m.