2005-01-10
dull insanity
I fluctuate between phases of complacency and worrisome tendencies. I'll get an A in biology. I got like a 96 first quarter, which is an A+ on her scale. The final test is going to be hard though, really really hard and require a lot of studying. I'll get an A in chemistry. I've been consistent in my test scores in the class, always A's. Oh, they were lower A's, and the final will be really difficult. I got math. We get to drop quiz scores, and 1st quarter doesn't count. I'm missing this Wednesday's quiz, and I don't tend to do well on math finals. English is my class, it historically has been immensely easy, this should be no different plus I did pretty well on my presentation. But I got a B first semester, and there is no reason not to stress over the final. History and Spanish blah, but not to be underestimated.
Maybe it's really, really pathetic that I typed that all out. But that's what the life is revolving around right now.
Speech is in the back of my mind. I get nervous and unconfident when I don't know what I'm talking about. I have my crutches and I need to kick them out from under me. I can't let my coach know I'm not focused, and I actually have to be focused. think. articulate. compete.
there is little time for anything else, besides pondering it all while trying not to break down under the pressure. The best news that I heard today (besides after speech practice plans on Wednesday) was that I actually get to attend school on Thursday! Yay..! I need it, badly. Mrs. Senger needs it. Mr. Armstrong needs it and wow, I need to study for my finals! Holy crap, that's next week! Gah!
I have to be a little demented here and say in this brief moment of dull insanity that this is kind of exciting. I have so much pressure on me, and the make-it-or-break-it situation is compelling within as I consider the possibility of making it. Yay! I actually could possibly succeed at this, all of it! I really like that idea and it would make me feel like a really really good person, I would just coast into February feeling my best ever! Maintain the 4.0, place (preferrably high) at state. And sigh. Yay, it could happen! Yay.
Now's the time to suck it up. You're not nearly there yet. Nineteen days until it's all over. I'll make it! I'll, make it well! Oh, excuse me, I have to go study.
leesah-likes at 8:49 p.m.