2004-10-26
yrros
I feel really bad for people when I get all stupid and dumb. I am just not fun to be around and I know I am a letdown. Screw avoiding self-deprecation, because I am honestly sorry. Sometimes people expect me to be the major-if not sole- source of their social enjoyment and I feel bleak when I cannot carry it through. It happens a lot with various peoples. They encounter me as if awaiting something special, and then I don't deliver (for numerous reasons) and then they are left (maybe right) feeling unfufilled. I am sorry.
It was so formulaic. It made me a bit sick. They looked at me from the desks like they knew everything I was saying miles before I knew myself. It has all been said before. He assured me yes, but his deep inset eyes uttered a resounding no. This is so damn hard.
I am sick of school. I want to rift back to the days of songs slowly streaming across my mind. I don't listen anymore. I only hear.
Mrs. Brown is my friend. It's inexplicable. Unexplainable.
How dare you worry. How dare. Think of all the magnificent things we have experienced. If I am as smart as you claim me to be, then I would not be dumb enough to neglect and abandon that. I can't believe that I just set up that last sentence based on an "if." It's not what I mean. Really. I'm not that nice, I'm not that humble, I'm pretty effing oxymoronic. Get used to it. Naw, that's a bad sentence too, so insensitive. I am sorry. That is nothing new. Wow, I'm bad at this. But I think you may understand. That was a really nice thing that you said about my hair. Please dream back to times of proximitity, they are so very beautiful. This is a paragraph of devotion, it's quite odd.
I am sooo tired, I have sooo much to do and I am sooo busy. It's not my fault I suck at the piano. It's not my fault I won't know the next five polyatomic ions to memorize. I won't be there. I should sleep. I think we all should. Sorry, again, see you later.
check out the end of the previous entry for an awesome link
leesah-likes at 10:38 p.m.