2004-05-12
lashing out: Level 2.
phrase of this week: "do what you like and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." told to me by someone who knows what they are talking about.
good advice, but sometimes people push it too far. like i have to say, i've been browsing peoples diaries on this site and a lot of them are just pissy bi emo kids who try so hard not to conform and claim to be so deep that it actually ends up being really shallow. interesting visual there, eh?
"sorry dude, you dug your character so deep that you actually ended up on the surface of china." *girl brushes blue bangs out of face (and detangles strands from her eyebrow bar ring), sweat making her eye makeup smudge.* "really? oh well. i like dashboard confessional, and i'm good at drawing. isn't that 'rad??'"
yea i should really be one to talk. i now without nonconformism all the cool music that i love wouldn't exist and people like katy in band wouldn't make bracelets out of gi joe soldiers strung together. and i'll admit i have a fondness for mohawks. deep down, who doesn't?!
beyond that, my own noncomformist ways must have been apparent in english this morning. as part of a t.k.a.m.b. thing we had to rate 12 values in most important order, and a couple girls were suprised that religion was in my bottom three. but compared to love, family, health, success, freedom, etc... it just wasn't up there for me. if they judged me by that i am glad, because maybe they'll leave me alone and i won't have to hear their ignorant bullshit any more. of course God matters to me. the whole concept of a diety is so elusive that i can't help myself, i am enraptured by such an idea. but am i a "believer?" i think not.
today i read about a pentecostal preacher who was bitten by a rattlesnake and sought no treatment and died because of it. he spoke that this was the word of God, derived almost exactly from a chapter of Luke. he took the bible litterally to that extent. hope he was rewarded well.
enough religious spew. but what else is there to say? oh yah. 18 days of school left. that will end up being a whole damn lot. oh well, i'll make it. i hope julian can too. i worry about him and want to see him more. the only time i saw him today was at lunch.
he told me a brief story about last night. he was walking at our park on the windy uphill trail part and decided he wanted to see (ahhaha funny way to put it) what it felt like to be blind. so he closed his eyes and used a stick as his "walking guide" thing. he was pleased to report that he made it up successfully, as a blind man.
i just looked at him funny but inside i knew exactly what he meant and it made me like him more.
i don't know if i like him in "that" way but perhaps because as the proverbs tell, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and we have been absent from each other. and i have missed him.
also at lunch sarah told me about the party she went to this weekend with a 22-year-old russian guy named sergie. i know it's the best story i've heard so far this week and i haven't even told you the plot yet. that's because there is no plot. the end.
ps: want to see my current thoughts? look no further than right here.
leesah-likes at 7:15 p.m.